December 3 – Moment

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

Most times, I live outside my body. I focus too much on textures, smells, voices, noises, colors. I’m self diagnosed ADHD, as most times I have trouble truly focusing on one thing and instead take in little bits of everything else.

I find myself drifting in and out of conversations because of the distracting world around me; I really am interested in what you say, but I can’t help but analyze your body language and non-verbal communication. I smell the perfume or cologne you’re wearing or notice how a particular color, pattern, or fabric lays upon you.

Sometimes I love that I do it, but other times it really is quite the burden.

But the first time I read this prompt, I thought of one particular moment; I felt so alive and in the moment---so much so that I don’t recall anything else that happened around me.

I was in a bar with some friends. It’s a loud and rowdy karaoke hole-in-the-wall—my favorite. It’s always bustling with activity and swimming with drunken renditions of Journey and boyband songs.

That one night, I ran into a friend, one I hadn’t talked to in months. It made me sad as we were very close, and then we simply fell apart. I’m still not sure what happened. When I noticed him, it was all I could focus on—it felt weird not wrapping him in a giant hug and exchanging jokes and funny anecdotes. It felt unnatural to treat him like a stranger. But, still healing from the pain of the separation we’d had, I didn’t know what else to do.

Right before he left that night, he came up to me. We hugged. And there in the middle of the bar, locked in embrace, he apologized. He genuinely apologized. He told me how bad he had felt, especially for the pain it had caused me. How he missed having me as a friend.

At that moment, everything came together. Every ounce of me focused on that moment, savored each ticking second. The karaoke, the drunken laughter, the crowds of people shuffling by us—everything faded. I existed right then, and only then, and only in those inches of space between his voice and my ear. The heart deep inside of me that had been struggling to breathe the past few months finally inhaled its first, fresh, sweet breath. I had my friend back, and I never wanted to let go; I was so afraid I’d lose him again.

As he left, I simply stood there alone, wiping away the tears, still lost in a lull of emotion. It wasn’t until someone from a nearby table spoke my name. And to this day, I still remember being startled; I picked my head up and looked around and for a brief moment, I had forgotten where I was, forgotten the bar I had known so well. Everything suddenly felt strange and foreign.

After a split second to get my bearings, life continued on. The karaoke tunes flooded back in, the drunken rowdiness continued. Life was just the way it had left off—except the hole in my heart had been filled.

It was a good feeling.

In like a lamb, out like a lion.

Well. I know one thing, it's definitely been a long time since I've updated. It's bad of me, I know, and I tell myself all the time I'm going to update again more frequently. But, you can see how far that's gotten me.

Tonight's blog title explains my new year. It's been a low key night, here by myself, watching TV and kicking back in my dad's recliner. At first I was a little bummed that I wasn't down on Church St. braving the cold and wind to hustle and bustle with the best of them, but the peace and quiet has been welcoming tonight, a nice change from all the rest of 2008. So, I've decided that I'll ring in 2009 like a lamb, here and quiet by myself, just reflecting on the past year.

It's been quite a whirlwind. As per usual, I can't remember much of the beginning. I rang in my 21st birthday this year, which also coincided with the Super Bowl. None the less, I spent my 21st birthday right in my second home, the theater. I had rehearsal for the Short Works Festival until 10pm that night, and then I crossed the street and cracked open my first legal beer with Laura in the neighborhood favorite bar, Mckees. Little did I know that this would become the home of many great hangouts, and long, serious conversations with friends, and of course, the first place to start off our Halloween celebration.

Most of the first months of 2008 were consumed with school, work, and extra curriculars of course. Some of my favorite memories include the Mox-Off 2008 with some Phoneathon favorites, Spring Meltdown, and watching the sunset down by the water front.

April brought about the end of school, and another first for me--my first year staying in Burlington for the summer. It was a change, but I knew it was necessary--not only for school and internships, but also mentally. It had been time for me to start breaking off from the homestead, and this was a good transition. It was a summer of internships, working at Blockbuster (which, secretly, has been a job I've wanted since I was a kid haha), and being able to roam about on my own, experience a legendary "Burlington Summer". If for nothing else, I loved it for the scenery. Burlington is beautiful, no matter what season you view it in.

The end of the summer brought about many, many changes, and a true experience I'll never forget for better or for worse. This was the beginning of the United Nations Project and a once in a lifetime opportunity to visit South Africa. For someone who had never been abroad in her life (save Canada, if that counts I guess.) this was such an amazing opportunity that I couldn't have been more thankful for. Little did I know, it was going to mean fighting with Residential Life about keeping my RA position, which ultimately did not happen. It meant changing my life around for this project, losing monies I would have received, and moving out of an apartment I had just lived in for the past 4 months or so. For someone who doesn't favor drastic change, this was a hard experience for me, but it was probably necessary. It taught me to never give up in what I believe in, to listen to my heart. My head told me to bow out and to keep what I already had, my heart told me to take this incredible opportunity.

...And it changed my life.

The fall brought new roommates, new living situations, new friends, new faces, new classes. The leaves proved for good photography, and taking my brother's senior portraits truly made it apparent that he's growing up from the exuberant, laughing, bouncy blonde haired little boy that I'd seen him as all along. Yet, it made me appreciate him even more.

Halloween made an appearance, filled with costumes and guest lecturing and friendly get-togethers. Soon the leaves fell and so did the snow, bringing along with it Thanksgiving and other related festivities. Christmas was small, but its one of the few times all 3 of us are together, and its something I cherish. And now, here I sit as the new year silently rolls in, with nothing but the sounds of Robin Spielberg's piano music to accompany me as I write this. I welcome it.

Wow, there were so many things I wanted to write here that I thought about prior to starting this. I had thought that save Africa, 2008 had been a pretty rough year with many tears and family drama. But on second glance, although it's been hard, each experience has helped me grow exponentially. Every tear cried is another layer of thicker skin, I guess. I've realized that my family really can survive just about anything. We've been through so much, and every time there's problems I fear the worst and wait for the day that it will completely shatter everything we've got. And yet, the day has never come *knock on wood*. We've gotten through it, worked through it. We've always survived.

And through everything, I've survived. There were times I thought I was down for the count, and wasn't sure how I was going to be able to hold on to what little sanity I had. And yet, here I am, still holding on to that same bit of sanity. Atleast, I think so, haha. Every year past has brought on more and more things to break me down, and I've survived. It really gives me hope for the future that I'll be fully prepared to shoot out of the college gates into life.

But the best thing about 2008 are the people that have come into my life or stayed with me in my life. I know most people say what they're Thankful for at Thanksgiving and such, but as the new year settles in, I want to remember what I'm most thankful for and hope that it all carries over into the new year.

First, there are the people who have always been in my life...my family. They've been my rock. They're the ones I call and bitch about my life to, the ones I call when I'm having a mental breakdown and in tears from stress. There have been times that I thought I'd lost them, and they've caused me great stress, but they've brought me great happiness, which is something I wouldn't trade for the world.

Second, there are these friends that have been in my life, and no matter what I do, they just don't ever want to seem to leave! They make me laugh, they make me smile, they keep my spirits up. They're amazing, to say the least. Some of them I don't get to see as nearly as much as I'd like, but no matter what, we always kind a way to keep in touch, from a facebook message, to an im, to a text message. I love them more than words can say. And of course, there's my other 2/3, the other two Sherry's. Together, we make Sherry Cubed. And I don't think I could survive without them. Really.

But even though I'll always owe my life to my family and my friends, there's a certain group of friends I'm especially thankful for this year--these special boys that live down the hall. In just a matter of months, their apartment has become my second home (although technically it really WAS my second home, cuz I definitely lived in that apartment haha) and I've experienced many hours of entertainment from movies, to video games to general shenanigans. But most of all, they've been there for me, more than any guy friend I've ever had. When they first said they were going to come to my fall show, I was skeptical. But they were persistent and excited about it. As much as I wanted to be excited, I didn't think they'd be there. But when I looked out that night, there they were. Just for me. I felt so incredibly special, I'd never had guy friends not only come out to a show, but also be excited about it. To want to come. Ever. It was then that I knew these boys really, truly wanted to be friends. These boys have been there for me, supported me, come to my shows, been my shoulder to cry on. They've been awesome sledding partners, movie watchers, and conversationalists ; They even pushed my car down 5 flights in the parking garage to the tow truck when it was dead and picked me up from work when I was carless. I've never had guy friends that have put in just as much effort into a friendship...ever. They've become like my brothers and sometimes I tend to pull out the "mama hen" on them, but it's only because I care about them so much. I'm so honored to say that I'm friends with them, and I can't wait for the many more adventures that await in the coming months. I guess what I want to say is... thanks. You guys are nothing short of amazing. <3

And then there are those that I've slightly lost touch with, the friends I hope to spend more time with who I've drifted apart from, and those that are just blossoming. I know sometimes that school and work and other such obligations can consume a great portion of your time (I'm probably the guiltiest!) and sometimes we just don't have as much time for hanging out as possible. But, nonetheless, I haven't forgotten about any of you. I really hope to be able to spend more time with all of you, especially those that are graduating in the Spring.

Love you guys. ALL of you.

2008 has been a roller coaster of a ride, with plenty of thrills and chills. My heart has cried, broken, healed, and rejuvinated. I've learned more about myself and others around me, grown closer to some and drifted apart from some. I've been to places I'd never imagine I'd go to but suffered incredible losses at the same time. Overall, it's been an amazing ride, but after 365 days, I'm ready to get off. It's time to try out the newest thrill in town, 2009. Hop in, buckle up and let's hope for one hell of an amazing time!


Disclaimer: I've realized I write like a drunken, blabbering collegiate broad with emotional dribble when I get distracted and fill the void with "I love you so much"s and "amazing"s falling all over the place. I also develop a sudden loss of energy to go back and change the verbage. Unlike a drunken broad, however, I DO mean everything I said, I WILL remember what I wrote here... (and I wont be an STD grab bag when I wake up tomorrow)....I just wish I had worded it a little bit better. In any case, you all know what I mean...

One Love.



2009 is in like a lamb, here's to ringing it out like a lion in December. Cheers.

We've Only Just Begun

I can't believe it. I'm laying here in bed; my bags are packed, carry on is ready, my camera batteries are charged, memory cards emptied, passport and other documentation stored away in a purse--but I still can't believe it.

In a few hours, I'll wake up. I still won't believe it.
In a few hours, I'll get ready to go--finish some final packing, get dressed, make some coffee, grab a light breakfast. But I still won't believe it.
In a few hours, I'll get picked up, driven to the airport, and board a plane en route to JFK to go to South Africa. Chances are, I still won't believe it.

It's only been a few weeks, but I feel like I've already been on a journey. I've challenged authority and fought for what I believe in, in hopes to retain the RA position. When it didn't work, I moved apartments. I finished my internship, as well as my online internship class, and as of last night I finally completed my other online class. On top of all that, I've gotten my passport and vaccinations. I'm lucky I still know where my head is at right now!

But, I've also been on another journey--an intellectual, mental and emotional journey. I've researched every piece of South Africa I could imagine--I'm familiar with everything from the culture to the history to the economic and political status. I've researched their problems, their struggles, both past and present. As a group, we've all discussed these all to quite an extent. We've pondered over unanswered questions, and found answers to questions which only lead to more. We've bounced around ideas, comments, concerns, questions, worries, fears, anxieties, hopes, dreams, plans, and information. We've spent hours upon hours upon hours submerging ourselves in the world of the United Nations and violence against women.

And yet, something tells me we've only just begun. There's only so much that you can read on paper, or on the internet. There's only so many Youtube videos you can watch about the land and its people. It isn't until you physically, emotionally, and mentally experience the world in person that you can begin to truly understand it.

In a few hours, we begin that process. What does it hold? Nobody knows. We've speculated, but none of us truly knows--and rightfully so. Yet, this leaves me a bit worried. I can only prepare myself so much mentally and emotionally, but will this be enough? Will I be able to handle the sights that will be before my eyes? Will I be able to comprehend all that unfurls before me? I don't know. In fact, I probably still won't know until I am laying in my bed the first night home, my mind swirling with images and memories from the trip.

I think it will be then, and only then, that I'll finally believe it.

I don't know what to expect, I don't know what will happen. But, I know one thing--in a few hours, it will all begin, whether I like it or not. Time to just jump in and take the plunge.

So with that, I sign off to get a few hours of sleep before the sun rises, signaling the beginning of the day, and of my journey--We may be half way there, but we've only just begun.

Movin' On...Up?

After meeting with housing on Friday, it looks as though Amanda and I will be able to move into the same apartment, apartment 516. The woman in charge e-mailed one girl who is living there currently (who had expressed an interest earlier in moving) to see if she was still interested in moving. She heard a response back that she did still want to move, so it looks like that space will be available. Unfortunately we can't move until everything is official and the other girl has officially "confirmed" it and selected a new room to live in. She could change her mind after seeing the room choices available, in which case Amanda and I would be split up into different apartments. But, I don't think this will be the case.

Still, this SUCKS, to put it mildly. Just when we had gotten settled in, we have to uproot again and shift down the hall. That means repacking, re-painting the walls, painting the NEW walls, and unpacking. It'll be a long process that all has to be completed this week on top of working for the EMC, homework, and Blockbuster. Though, I know I will feel a huge relief once this entire ordeal is over and I can move on with things.

I know I probably shouldn't feel like this, but I can't help feeling betrayed slightly by Champlain College. 2 years ago, I looked to this college as my doorway to freedom. I was at Lyndon State before, and I felt there was nothing there for me. There were no opportunities, no room for growth. I saw myself sitting stagnant for the rest of my college career, and knew I would leave feeling unfulfilled. It wasn't something I wanted. But, when I found Champlain, their motto stuck with me "boundless opportunities." It's even reiterated by the college Philosophy:

"The primary mission of Champlain College is to prepare students for successful careers by creating a physical and intellectual environment in which they have freedom to grow and are challenged to realize their full potential. While special emphasis is placed on the development of professional competence, the following are also seen as essential components of the College’s responsibility to its students: to inform and stimulate the mind; to develop character, personality and ethical conduct; and to provide creative outlets through supervised extracurricular activities.

Therefore, the College is dedicated to providing Champlain students with a variety of educational experiences that will encourage them to develop as individuals, to foster understanding and appreciation of all people, and to gain career skills that will allow them to contribute to the professional and personal environments in which they live." (http://www.champlain.edu/about/philosophy.php)

It's even stated in the first sentence that they create an environment "in which [students] have freedom to grow and are challenged to realize their full potential."

But how can a student be offered the full freedom to grow and realize their full potential if they're stifled by a college unwilling to compromise or work with a student who wants to take advantage of every opportunity available? This college wants to produce successful, involved, passionate and educated students; yet they're unwilling to help the students who have those qualities.

I considered myself to be one of those students. I'm a double major with a 3.88 GPA, and not only am I involved with a variety of on campus activities and organizations, but I've taken steps to create my own when the college lacked such resources. But most of all, I had a deep passion for this college and for what it stood for. I wanted nothing more than to give back and become a part of Champlain more than I already was.

So, it goes without saying that I was completely estatic when this United Nations project came along. I considered it a double whammy for the college, not only being able to give back to other students through the resident assistant job, but to also work on this amazing project and develop some amazing and positive PR for Champlain.

And then I ran into this whole mess. But what surprised me the most was the amount of resistance the college put up. In no way were they willing to work with me to develop a solution or a compromise when both of these opportunities conflicted. And, after everything I had done to be a part of this campus, none of it mattered. Even when I pointed out the discrepancies for the training for fall versus spring RAs, it meant nothing. Nobody said, " let's try and work this out." People said, "yes, you have a point," but nothing was done. And, I don't think anything will change.

And to make matters worse, this housing issue was more struggle, more hassle. Others could be consolidated and moved at housing selection, this girl in the other apartment could be asked to move and transfer students could be shuffled around, but there was no way to allow us to stay in our apartment? It was a "philosophical" decision of the department. So, the two students that aren't here yet will remain residents in the apartment while the two that are here (and have been for four months), completely moved in, decorated, and have mail sent to this apartment now need to completely uproot and shuffle down the hall in a few days. And, the college will also have to arrange and pay to have the apartment cleaned again before the new RAs arrive to take our place.

Sometimes, I just don't understand it. I really don't. Here are students that are looking to grow, looking to achieve success in every sense of the word; students who have reached out to the student body and to the community, who have spent their free time trying to make their residence hall and college a better place. Here are students willing to put forth as much effort needed to perform every job.duty, and role to the best of their abilities, and they're met with nothing but resistance from a place that supposedly strives to foster an environment for growth and for students to "realize their full potential".

With that said, I'm still thankful for the wonderful education and the opportunities that have been presented to me, and I'm still very dedicated. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be involved at all. But I can't help but feel a twinge of resentment for this entire predicament and it's discouraged me from being as involved as I initially wanted to be. Instead, it says to me "be involved, but don't try and put yourself out there too much. If you do, you'll have nothing but problems." Be involved just enough to feel fulfilled, but don't grow any further unless you want stress and disappointment.

So, as this whole ordeal comes to a close, I just hope the college will realize how much stress and disappointment this has caused for not only Amanda and I, but for others around us. It's changed the views on the college for many people, and not in a good way. I only hope that this will cause the college to go back and reevaluate procedures, rethink the way it handles situations like these. I hope they especially make changes to the RA training procedures. If all of the 2 week training in the fall is vital for all the RAs to be properly trained, than there is no way that 2 days of training in the spring can possibly turn out properly trained RAs. And, if those RAs are not properly trained, you are now endangering the lives of all the students they're supervising should a crisis occur. If you were worried about us being under trained by missing a few days of training, then this scenario shouldn't cause you any less concern. If the same training could have been received, then what does it boil down to? that we're missing move in weekend? So, because we wouldn't be there to greet the students and facilitate a meeting, there were no alternatives to make that up? Because we'd be missing a weekend, its reason to take away at least a semester's worth of RA duties? I think there's some thinking that needs to be done.

Either way, things are over and done with. There's no going back. And personally, for me, there's no going forward on that road again. Instead, I'm going to take different paths to reach the same destination. I'm going to focus my efforts on the project, and then I'm going to examine other leadership positions such as orientation leader or peer advisor. While I'm sad I'm losing this leadership position and disappointing all those that looked for me to be in that position, I know there are other ways to be a leader on this campus and in this community and I'll seek those out.

So, this will be the last time I blog about this topic. I'm finished, moving on. No need to drag out the negatives when I have such great positives sitting here to be blogged about. I just wanted to sum up my final thoughts on the subject now that some of the initial emotion has died out. It's a sad loss either way, but I'm willing to move on and not dwell in the past. I thank all those that have offered their support and advice through this whole thing, and to those who really understood the tremendous amount of stress this has caused me. Now, I look forward to moving forward with the United Nations project and putting this all behind me.

Oh, and one last tidbit before I sign off that I've been repeatedly forgetting to mention in here: How cool is it that three Windsor High School grads are working on this? Umm, pretty cool in my book! And, on top of that, we all have blogs! You can follow myself, Amanda Jones, and Bryan Hare on this project.

This post has become much, much longer than I intended, and I can only help but quote my friend Shakespeare (Bryan will appreciate the humor in this) from Hamlet, where his character Polonious says, "Brevity is the soul of wit...so I'll be brief."

Haha, theater nerd joke. Love it. Good night!

Insomniatic thoughts...

I don't know what it has been lately, whether its the weather, the erratic sleeping schedule, or the shift from Burlington to home for the next few days, but I've been an insomniac the past few days.
It's probably a mix of everything. I went from sleeping in to about eleven a few days, to being at my internship for 9am Monday and Tuesday. Then on Tuesday after my internship things were crazy with rushing around to do an interview for a class and then getting called in for a closing shift at Blockbuster. I got home around 12:30am and went to bed just after 2am. The next day I was up early to pack for home, get things organized for my classes, and going to an interview for the U.N. project. ( more on this in a sec)

By the time I was finished with everything, I was exhausted towards the afternoon and early evening. It was a good thing, though, as I was looking forward to a good nights sleep in my own bed at home that night.

I spent a better part of the night working on Critical Thinking homework, and decided to call it quits at about 1:30am. I felt tired. I looked exhausted. But for some reason, once I finally crawled into bed and crashed onto my pillow, I couldn't sleep. My body suddenly became restless and my mind was running 100 miles an hour. I got up a few times and walked around, played with the cat, and tried to talk some sense into my self, saying I should be sound asleep right now. It probably wasn't until a little after 4am when I dozed off, and unfortunately my alarm woke me up for 8:30am so I could go and work in my dad's office this morning.

This morning I was completely exhausted, tired, cranky, spacey, you name it. I worked in his office and then grabbed some lunch, and was looking forward to a hardcore afternoon nap. But really, if I had been so lucky I probably wouldn't be updating this right now.

I'm tired, I can feel it. I can't even hold my eyes open all the way. I know this will be disastrous if it doesn't stop, because I will either get so run down that I get sick, or I'll completely crash at about 6 or 7pm and be wide awake at 4am. I'm hoping I either a) fall asleep at this computer or b) can squeeze out atleast an hours worth of sleep fairly soon here to keep me running for the rest of the night, allowing me to go to bed at a decent hour AND wake up at a decent hour.

I think part of it has to do with the interview. Ever since I had it, I've been dissecting it and going over every detail in my head. ( I tend to do this quite often with things like interviews and presentations and certain people interactions for some reason...)

I told my dad this afternoon when he asked about it that "if it was anyone but the college, I probably wouldn't hire myself either after the interview." Because it's the college...and I'm a student there...and was recommended for the position by my adviser...I'm hoping that scored me a few points.
After breaking it down, I've determined there were a few factors involved. First, I was distracted both before and during the interview. I had so many things going on that morning and the days previous, that my mind wasn't completely focused on the interview and the job. That is my fault, and I should have taken more time beforehand to mentally prepare myself and get focused. But, the location they held the interview in was not the most "interview friendly", as the door was wide open to a high traffic area, and people kept passing by and entering and leaving the adjacent room. But, while I'd love to blame it all on that, I know I should have asked for the door to be closed and I shouldn't have let myself get distracted by the noise.

The other factor is that one of my weaknesses is talking about myself to strangers. It takes me a while to even open up about myself to my close friends. Just ask them. But, an interview is just that...selling yourself to the interviewer. As Howie told me when I saw him afterwards, "Honey, its the time for you to flaunt yourself and strut your stuff."

There were so many things I wanted to say, things I had thought about beforehand that apparently disappeared the minute I walked in the door. My fear and nervousness got the best of me, and I gave minimal answers, some of which I realize were pretty lame after thinking back on them. When they asked me what I could bring to the project, I said "I'm a dedicated person, I try to put 100% of myself into everything I do." Jesus Christ, how convincing is that? It's such a cop out answer...people hear that and say, "yeah....okay.That's what they all say." I made no mention of any marketing skills or previous experiences. Hell, I'm applying for a market research position and I've done hands on market research for some of my classes. WHY DID I NOT MENTION THIS? I give myself some credit, I did use the example of the Spinner Place Residence Hall Council, stating that I'm not one to sit back and just talk about problems, that I try to take action. I.e. SPRHC for res hall issues. I also told them that many times I naturally tend to step up and take a leadership position when in groups. I didn't completely bomb the question, but this was a great open ended question that provided a great opportunity to showcase myself....and I didn't.
They also asked me a question towards the end, something similar to "if you had all the technology available at your fingertips, how would you go about using it for this project". If you know me, you know I don't like making quick decisions...I'm usually the type that will take the information and stew on it for awhile, and then get back to you with my decision...even ifs an easy one to make...I just like to be able to think about things before acting. Unfortunately, I should have anticipated something like this and THOUGHT ABOUT IT BEFOREHAND. I knew about the project...I knew what they were looking for me to do...so whyyyyyyyy didn't I think about what I'd do with the project?

I'm an idiot.

I gave some dumb answer about how the internet is a useful tool and can provide you with a great deal of information and opens up communication, yada yada yada. The more I think about it, I don't think I even answered the question... I just rambled on, hoping I'd say something close. Along those lines, they asked me what I'd do while in Africa and how I'd make the most of my time there to gather information. Again, should have thought about this beforehand. I mentioned something about just learning everything there is to learn about the target market, their culture, their beliefs, etc... something about conducting focus groups....and something about having them play the games to see what their knowledge of the equipment is, where their skill level is at, and if there's any glitches in the game how that would be a good opportunity to catch them. Too bad I think she said the E-gamers were just developing concepts...I don't know if that means they're even going to HAVE something to test out at that point...I mean, they'd have to come up with an actual prototype in a month, a little less, as we'd be going to Africa the end of August.

Oh man. It will be a miracle if I pull this off.

I guess its good that I'm getting all this interview experience now, with this one plus all the ones I did for my internship. With every one I tend to review it over and over and over, thinking back to the questions, my answers, what I should have said, what I shouldn't have said, and how they reacted. But at the same time, I could have just blown an extremely good opportunity, one that would look good on a resume, give me a bunch of hands on experience, AND pay well. $11/hour, yo.

I think Amanda said it best when she said, " I wish interviews were set up differently...I wish they let you do a two minute or so elevator pitch about yourself and THEN started the interview, to give you time to say what you wanted to say about yourself." That way you could think about it beforehand and get in the key points you wanted to before you had to answer any questions.

So, what would I have said? I would have talked about how I've done first hand market research through my Consumer Behavior and Research class through the project we did for a start up web company. I would have talked about my people skills, and how I am confident talking to strangers and probing for information (aka PHONEATHON for 2 years.) I would have displayed that I had knowledge of marketing by freaking mentioning it during the "what would you do" scenario, talking about conducting primary research and using that, along with secondary research, in order to compile a detailed consumer profile and marketing strategy. I should have come up with some marketing ideas for the project, especially viral, and talked about how to spread it via the web, word of mouth, social networking (a facebook and myspace application). What about connecting with other companies to have them promote the game? MTV does this with a game about the genocide in Darfur. What about a cell phone game? Hell, put it on a CD ROM and slip it in a cereal box, I don't know. I should have come up with ANYTHING to show that I was capable of thinking of thinking of these ideas. I should have also mentioned more about gaining a first hand perspective of the culture and the people while in Africa. Learn about their past, why they act the way they do. Learn the games they play now, how they interact with each other, their physical movements, their thought processes. Learn about their daily life and lifestyles,find out about any influences on them, and just talk to them in general to get a better understanding of who they are, what they stand for, and how the see the future. I did mention that the better they understand their consumers, the better they can market products to them....but I should have elaborated on that.

*sigh*. Well, there's not much I can do about it but wait until Friday or Monday when I should hear back. Then I'll either be jumping for joy or bawling, one or the other.

This will definitely be a learning experience, either way.

The smell of summer is in the air

Forget a dozen roses; the key to my heart is definitely lilacs. I've always associated the start of summer with lilacs. I live for them. I just realized a few days ago that they've started to bloom, and can only squeal with excitement every time we drive by them. Today, as Amanda and I were leaving the library parking lot after running some errands on campus, I made her stop her truck and I barrel rolled out to grab a branch off of a nearby lilac bush. I spent the rest of the ride back to Spinner just smelling it over and over again.

The other day I was walking to the gym, just after sunset. Winooski was humming with excitement, and I couldn't help but smile as the sounds of laughter and distant barbecues drifted by me. But suddenly, a scent caught me off guard. It was refreshing, lovely. It was familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. But as I continued my trek, the scent continued, growing stronger, surrounding me with spring. Finally, as I approached the door, I looked over the the adjacent house and there was a bush of freshly blooming lilacs. It was a happy moment. :)

They're usually the first things that remind me that summer is officially on its way. Sometimes, I consider them the unsung flower heroes of the summer. They come in quietly, most times go unnoticed and quietly pass. Many people don't give them a passing glance, grouping them with other common bushes and shrubbery. But there's something magical about the way they can stop you in your tracks, even if you can't see them. You can't help but breathe a little deeper, absorbing all they have to offer. Sometimes, you don't give it another thought but for that one moment, they gave you a little bit of extra life within you.

They've always held a special place in my heart, not only for their external appeal but for the way they trigger so many memories within me, and I tend to have a horrible memory unless something triggers it. Growing up, we always had a long row of lilacs that grew along the edge of our property. I can still vividly remember how I would spend my afternoons releasing my inner tom boy, ripping down branches and cutting out small holes within the bushes to create forts within the lilacs; but at the end of the day, I would simply sit there and inhale deeply, breathing in the beautiful scent and thinking fun girly thoughts.

I remember when they would first begin to bloom, I would run out into the yard and begin to carefully tear the little branches, creating bouquets of lilacs. I spent day after day grabbing as many bunches as my little hands could hold and running into the house and filling every tiny drinking cup I had with water and placing them the flowers all over the house. I can even still remember the time my parents let me have some in my room. I placed a small cup on the windowsill with a single lilac branch. Every night I would open the window a crack and let the breeze waft the scent over me as I drifted off to sleep.

Then, one spring, a man came along and offered to buy some of the lilacs for a wedding. My parents agreed, and I can remember watching in horror from my bedroom window as he began to chop and butcher the bushes, collecting bucket after bucket of lilacs. I almost cried that day, convinced that they'd never grow back. A little pathetic, but hey, I was still a kid. It still falls under the cute realm. :)

Lilacs remind me of proms and prom season; for two years I remember watching the prom at the high school, wishing I was one of the lucky upperclassmen attending. Then, finally being able to attend my junior and senior years. Prom was special to me. For 364 days of that year, I was a tom boy. I hunted, I fished, I scaled archery courses, wrangled kids at the day care, and rolled with the punches, being the only female in the house. But for that one day, those few hours, I was able to dress up. I put aside the camo, weapons, and potty mouth; I was a woman. I was never really allowed to play dress up as a kid, to buy girly stuff. But for this one night, I could mimic all the Disney princesses I'd grown up watching. It was one of the few nights in my entire life that I'd ever felt truly pretty. I liked the way people looked at me, the way my family looked at me. The smiles I received. The way I was treated. As minuscule as it was to some people, its something I embraced and still cherish to this day.

And with one smell, that small flower brings back every emotion and every feeling. It's times like this that I wish they grew year round. There are some days that completely drain me to the last drop of energy, of happiness. And with one breath of lilacs, I could flash back to pure, summer happiness. True, uninhibited happiness. It's been a very long time since I've felt that way since.

Lilacs remind me of summer; of longer, warmer evenings. They bring back memories of running through the grass barefooted; of swinging from the maple trees and picking off the newly blossoming leaves. They meant being able to leave the house without a jacket on when heading to the bus stop in the mornings and opening the windows for that first gentle breeze. They signified cookouts and bonfires, late night family gatherings that made the neighborhood ring with laughter. They were the flowers I picked when I went on walks in the woods with my dad for just some "us" time. They were the reason I went through a brief "flower shop owner" stint in my ever evolving career aspirations. Sometimes, they acted as reminders that my brother's birthday was approaching on May 20th. They even meant graveside visits to relatives as we created bouquets to decorate the graves. They were forts, picture backdrops, hideaways, and "bases" for every childhood game we could dream up; they were decorations, retreats,and inspirations. When they bloomed, everyone had a renewed sense of life deep within their eyes, within their souls as if a new energy swam around them. In a household that always had a dreary and heavy cloud of worries and problems hanging over it, for a brief moment, they brought about the one thing I always prayed for for my family--love.

And now, as I spend my first summer in Burlington, away from my family, they signify home.

Overall, they symbolized life, in every sense of the word. They were new life, a splash of color variety among a palette of greens. They were energizing, uplifting. A subtle scent of beauty. And no matter how long or damaging the winter months were, they continued to grow, year after year relentlessly. They proved that no matter what, life could prevail. Just when it seemed like the winter months had you at the tip of their sword, ready to suffocate you with their never ending despair and desolation, a revitalizing breath was waiting. Life continues on, even when you begin to feel it never will. You can't always see it, and sometimes you forget its there. But you'll always find it. That renewed life will be there waiting. And sometimes, all it takes is a distant drifting reminder. For you, it may be something else.

For me, it's the lilacs.

They're life, they're love, they're beauty; they're a reminder that through every tribulation, happiness is right around the corner. They're a renewed sense of hope.

Sometimes, it's small things like that that keep me going from day to day, finding those simple joys of life that I truly enjoy.