Well. I know one thing, it's definitely been a long time since I've updated. It's bad of me, I know, and I tell myself all the time I'm going to update again more frequently. But, you can see how far that's gotten me.
Tonight's blog title explains my new year. It's been a low key night, here by myself, watching TV and kicking back in my dad's recliner. At first I was a little bummed that I wasn't down on Church St. braving the cold and wind to hustle and bustle with the best of them, but the peace and quiet has been welcoming tonight, a nice change from all the rest of 2008. So, I've decided that I'll ring in 2009 like a lamb, here and quiet by myself, just reflecting on the past year.
It's been quite a whirlwind. As per usual, I can't remember much of the beginning. I rang in my 21st birthday this year, which also coincided with the Super Bowl. None the less, I spent my 21st birthday right in my second home, the theater. I had rehearsal for the Short Works Festival until 10pm that night, and then I crossed the street and cracked open my first legal beer with Laura in the neighborhood favorite bar, Mckees. Little did I know that this would become the home of many great hangouts, and long, serious conversations with friends, and of course, the first place to start off our Halloween celebration.
Most of the first months of 2008 were consumed with school, work, and extra curriculars of course. Some of my favorite memories include the Mox-Off 2008 with some Phoneathon favorites, Spring Meltdown, and watching the sunset down by the water front.
April brought about the end of school, and another first for me--my first year staying in Burlington for the summer. It was a change, but I knew it was necessary--not only for school and internships, but also mentally. It had been time for me to start breaking off from the homestead, and this was a good transition. It was a summer of internships, working at Blockbuster (which, secretly, has been a job I've wanted since I was a kid haha), and being able to roam about on my own, experience a legendary "Burlington Summer". If for nothing else, I loved it for the scenery. Burlington is beautiful, no matter what season you view it in.
The end of the summer brought about many, many changes, and a true experience I'll never forget for better or for worse. This was the beginning of the United Nations Project and a once in a lifetime opportunity to visit South Africa. For someone who had never been abroad in her life (save Canada, if that counts I guess.) this was such an amazing opportunity that I couldn't have been more thankful for. Little did I know, it was going to mean fighting with Residential Life about keeping my RA position, which ultimately did not happen. It meant changing my life around for this project, losing monies I would have received, and moving out of an apartment I had just lived in for the past 4 months or so. For someone who doesn't favor drastic change, this was a hard experience for me, but it was probably necessary. It taught me to never give up in what I believe in, to listen to my heart. My head told me to bow out and to keep what I already had, my heart told me to take this incredible opportunity.
...And it changed my life.
The fall brought new roommates, new living situations, new friends, new faces, new classes. The leaves proved for good photography, and taking my brother's senior portraits truly made it apparent that he's growing up from the exuberant, laughing, bouncy blonde haired little boy that I'd seen him as all along. Yet, it made me appreciate him even more.
Halloween made an appearance, filled with costumes and guest lecturing and friendly get-togethers. Soon the leaves fell and so did the snow, bringing along with it Thanksgiving and other related festivities. Christmas was small, but its one of the few times all 3 of us are together, and its something I cherish. And now, here I sit as the new year silently rolls in, with nothing but the sounds of Robin Spielberg's piano music to accompany me as I write this. I welcome it.
Wow, there were so many things I wanted to write here that I thought about prior to starting this. I had thought that save Africa, 2008 had been a pretty rough year with many tears and family drama. But on second glance, although it's been hard, each experience has helped me grow exponentially. Every tear cried is another layer of thicker skin, I guess. I've realized that my family really can survive just about anything. We've been through so much, and every time there's problems I fear the worst and wait for the day that it will completely shatter everything we've got. And yet, the day has never come *knock on wood*. We've gotten through it, worked through it. We've always survived.
And through everything, I've survived. There were times I thought I was down for the count, and wasn't sure how I was going to be able to hold on to what little sanity I had. And yet, here I am, still holding on to that same bit of sanity. Atleast, I think so, haha. Every year past has brought on more and more things to break me down, and I've survived. It really gives me hope for the future that I'll be fully prepared to shoot out of the college gates into life.
But the best thing about 2008 are the people that have come into my life or stayed with me in my life. I know most people say what they're Thankful for at Thanksgiving and such, but as the new year settles in, I want to remember what I'm most thankful for and hope that it all carries over into the new year.
First, there are the people who have always been in my life...my family. They've been my rock. They're the ones I call and bitch about my life to, the ones I call when I'm having a mental breakdown and in tears from stress. There have been times that I thought I'd lost them, and they've caused me great stress, but they've brought me great happiness, which is something I wouldn't trade for the world.
Second, there are these friends that have been in my life, and no matter what I do, they just don't ever want to seem to leave! They make me laugh, they make me smile, they keep my spirits up. They're amazing, to say the least. Some of them I don't get to see as nearly as much as I'd like, but no matter what, we always kind a way to keep in touch, from a facebook message, to an im, to a text message. I love them more than words can say. And of course, there's my other 2/3, the other two Sherry's. Together, we make Sherry Cubed. And I don't think I could survive without them. Really.
But even though I'll always owe my life to my family and my friends, there's a certain group of friends I'm especially thankful for this year--these special boys that live down the hall. In just a matter of months, their apartment has become my second home (although technically it really WAS my second home, cuz I definitely lived in that apartment haha) and I've experienced many hours of entertainment from movies, to video games to general shenanigans. But most of all, they've been there for me, more than any guy friend I've ever had. When they first said they were going to come to my fall show, I was skeptical. But they were persistent and excited about it. As much as I wanted to be excited, I didn't think they'd be there. But when I looked out that night, there they were. Just for me. I felt so incredibly special, I'd never had guy friends not only come out to a show, but also be excited about it. To want to come. Ever. It was then that I knew these boys really, truly wanted to be friends. These boys have been there for me, supported me, come to my shows, been my shoulder to cry on. They've been awesome sledding partners, movie watchers, and conversationalists ; They even pushed my car down 5 flights in the parking garage to the tow truck when it was dead and picked me up from work when I was carless. I've never had guy friends that have put in just as much effort into a friendship...ever. They've become like my brothers and sometimes I tend to pull out the "mama hen" on them, but it's only because I care about them so much. I'm so honored to say that I'm friends with them, and I can't wait for the many more adventures that await in the coming months. I guess what I want to say is... thanks. You guys are nothing short of amazing. <3
And then there are those that I've slightly lost touch with, the friends I hope to spend more time with who I've drifted apart from, and those that are just blossoming. I know sometimes that school and work and other such obligations can consume a great portion of your time (I'm probably the guiltiest!) and sometimes we just don't have as much time for hanging out as possible. But, nonetheless, I haven't forgotten about any of you. I really hope to be able to spend more time with all of you, especially those that are graduating in the Spring.
Love you guys. ALL of you.
2008 has been a roller coaster of a ride, with plenty of thrills and chills. My heart has cried, broken, healed, and rejuvinated. I've learned more about myself and others around me, grown closer to some and drifted apart from some. I've been to places I'd never imagine I'd go to but suffered incredible losses at the same time. Overall, it's been an amazing ride, but after 365 days, I'm ready to get off. It's time to try out the newest thrill in town, 2009. Hop in, buckle up and let's hope for one hell of an amazing time!
Disclaimer: I've realized I write like a drunken, blabbering collegiate broad with emotional dribble when I get distracted and fill the void with "I love you so much"s and "amazing"s falling all over the place. I also develop a sudden loss of energy to go back and change the verbage. Unlike a drunken broad, however, I DO mean everything I said, I WILL remember what I wrote here... (and I wont be an STD grab bag when I wake up tomorrow)....I just wish I had worded it a little bit better. In any case, you all know what I mean...
One Love.
2009 is in like a lamb, here's to ringing it out like a lion in December. Cheers.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
This One's A Little More Personal
This post is a little more personal to me. Instead of just chatting about the day's events ( there isn't much to report, anyway) I'd like to use this space to not only give you a small glimpse into my own life but also get something off my chest, something that's been bugging me for the past few hours.
First, a little back history without getting too detailed. It's a subject I rarely talk about; it's something that very personal and somewhat private to me. But I feel like you need some slight background just to understand the situation. I just ask one thing- don't judge me based on the information here. I've had people ask me, "How could you do that?" or "you shouldn't have taken the actions you did." I don't feel that anyone has the right to judge another person until they've lived through the situation. I'm not going into a great amount of detail, and I never will here. I don't even think some of my closest friends know everything that went on. So, I'm just asking that you read this with a neutral eye and know that the decisions I made in my past were well thought out decisions, and they happened for a reason. With that said, here goes.
My parents got divorced 7 years ago. It was an extremely messy divorce, to put it lightly. To make matters even more complicated, my brother and I haven't had a relationship with our mother for years now, our choice. When my parents separated, I went to live with my dad and my brother was forced to stay with my mom. It was probably the worst year of my life; I'd never been separated from him for more than a few days prior to that point. But after a year of fighting in court, my dad finally gained custody of him and he's lived with us ever since. From that point, we've never visited or really talked to our mother again.
So, ever since my brother was 9 or s0, I've been the only positive female influence in his life and probably the closest thing to a mother figure that he's ever had. I've loved every minute of it; I love watching him grow and learn and mature into the 16 year old man he is today. I've always watched over him;when we were kids, I was the one mouthing off to the playground kids who were calling him names, even if they were twice my size. When we grew up and were too old for the playground, I protected him from bigger matters. I always tried to make sure he was secure, healthy and happy, that he never missed out on any opportunity school or otherwise because of the situation we were in. Even now, I still call him and make sure everything is going okay, find out what's going on in his life, and of course, made sure he's getting his homework done. To put it bluntly, the kid is my life, hands down.
My mother writes an occasional letter from time to time to us; more so for control than for affection. Today, she wrote a letter to him, basically calling him a failure in life because of his current grades and his disinterest in higher education. She called him a failure. She said she was disappointed in him, that he wouldn't make anything of himself. Obviously, he was visibly upset over the words that had just been spat at him through this letter. When he told me about this, of course mama hen here was even more upset.
First off, I don't believe any mother has the right to call her son a failure. Ever. Especially a mother that hasn't talked to nor seen her son in 7 years. I think there's a definite line between a mother and a parent- the mother title is biologically yours; being called a "parent" is a different story-its more of a privilege. A conditional "right". It's yours until your actions cause you to lose it, at which point its never yours unless you earn it back. IF you earn it back.
In this case, she hasn't. Neither of us consider her a parent. She has no right to come in when she chooses to lecture my brother on his future, on his life, and she DEFINITELY has no right whatsoever to call him a failure. She doesn't know the first thing about his life- about his likes, dislikes, struggles, successes,setbacks, challenges, talents, or aspirations. She probably doesn't even know what he looks like. She has done nothing but caused turmoil and trauma in our lifes, and we've simply tried to move on, to get past everything. She's not invited to come into our lives and give her two cents whenever she chooses; it's not wanted and it never will be.
As you can probably tell, I was quite upset when I heard about all of this. I knew her words were carefully chosen, the perfect combinations to maximize the frustration and aggravation results. I've heard them before, I've been in his situation. If she wants to duel it out with me, that's one story. But attacking him- that's an entirely different battle. This kid has been through so much in his past lifetime that he's barely had a childhood. I've worked hard to comfort him and help him rebuild himself over the past few years, I will not let her shatter everything he's slowly put back together of his life with a few tainted words.
I tried to calm him down on the phone, reminding him that we have to use collect every stick in the road and use it as fuel to keep the fire inside of us burning, to never let things like this smother our hopes and dreams; that shouting a nasty words or throwing out some low-blow name calling will not solve the problem at hand. If anything, it's surrendering the fight. It's exactly what she wants.
But I could just see the light inside of him dimming. He's been told he can't all his life, when he's just needed a few people to stand there and push him along, to encourage him to keep going- he's capable of great things. Instead, with a few degrading words, the sounds of support that once rang through his heart were muffled. Only one word was playing through his mind: failure.
While his grades have always been a struggle, he's been far from a failure. His work ethic, aspirations, and passion for the outdoors far surpass his academics. He's always struggled through school, but he's never been dumb. Ask him how any question related to the outdoors, and he can probably talk your ear off for 5 minutes, providing you with information, fun facts, and catch and release techniques. He struggled with history in school, but ask him about history, engage him in conversation about the wars-the kid knows his stuff. Academics have never been his forte, but street smarts and "real world knowledge" are.
And he's probably been working just as long as I have, since he was in 6th grade, if not before. He's always worked hard, earned every penny of his money. Over this past summer, this 16 year old boy worked more hours than most full grown adults do, sometimes putting in a 50, 60+ hour work week. It wasn't any desk job, either. He did full out manual labor, apprenticing for a family friend who does carpentry and other related services. And even after all the time he spent working, he still found time (and energy) to spend time outdoors.
To top it all off, I know he's got aspirations for his future. I've listened to them over the years. They've ranged from opening his own business to owning a hunting and fishing guide service, to forestry, and his most recent one- going into the service. He even discussed joining a special section of the armed forces dedicated to search and rescue. I gained a great deal of respect for him when he made that decision for after graduation, even though deep in my heart I don't want him to go. When I graduated, I couldn't even decide where I wanted to go to college- I switched my schools before I even stepped foot on campus, and then still ended up transferring from there. I even changed majors a few times. I had no idea what I wanted to do- I still don't have any definite plans for after graduation. And here is this kid, who'll be turning 17 in a few days, who has his future planned out and is ready to make that commitment to the service. Even though I'll always see him as my baby brother, he's turned into a man in every sense of the word.
And if it takes every ounce of my being, I won't let anyone stand in between him and his dreams. Nobody will call him a failure. Ever.
He's never been one, and he never will be. The only thing he's ever needed is support, someone to let him know that the critics are wrong- he can do it.
And when he does, the rewards will feel that much more sweeter.
My two goals in life are simple: be a mom, and see my brother succeed in every one of his dreams. I'll do whatever it takes to help him reach those successes and shatter "failure" in every sense of the word. Period.
Sorry that was more of a rant, but thanks for reading. In closing, don't call anyone a failure simply because they don't get the best grades or they lack higher schooling. If you do, you're also calling all of these people failures....
http://www.angelfire.com/stars4/lists/dropouts.html
Think about it that way next time.
First, a little back history without getting too detailed. It's a subject I rarely talk about; it's something that very personal and somewhat private to me. But I feel like you need some slight background just to understand the situation. I just ask one thing- don't judge me based on the information here. I've had people ask me, "How could you do that?" or "you shouldn't have taken the actions you did." I don't feel that anyone has the right to judge another person until they've lived through the situation. I'm not going into a great amount of detail, and I never will here. I don't even think some of my closest friends know everything that went on. So, I'm just asking that you read this with a neutral eye and know that the decisions I made in my past were well thought out decisions, and they happened for a reason. With that said, here goes.
My parents got divorced 7 years ago. It was an extremely messy divorce, to put it lightly. To make matters even more complicated, my brother and I haven't had a relationship with our mother for years now, our choice. When my parents separated, I went to live with my dad and my brother was forced to stay with my mom. It was probably the worst year of my life; I'd never been separated from him for more than a few days prior to that point. But after a year of fighting in court, my dad finally gained custody of him and he's lived with us ever since. From that point, we've never visited or really talked to our mother again.
So, ever since my brother was 9 or s0, I've been the only positive female influence in his life and probably the closest thing to a mother figure that he's ever had. I've loved every minute of it; I love watching him grow and learn and mature into the 16 year old man he is today. I've always watched over him;when we were kids, I was the one mouthing off to the playground kids who were calling him names, even if they were twice my size. When we grew up and were too old for the playground, I protected him from bigger matters. I always tried to make sure he was secure, healthy and happy, that he never missed out on any opportunity school or otherwise because of the situation we were in. Even now, I still call him and make sure everything is going okay, find out what's going on in his life, and of course, made sure he's getting his homework done. To put it bluntly, the kid is my life, hands down.
My mother writes an occasional letter from time to time to us; more so for control than for affection. Today, she wrote a letter to him, basically calling him a failure in life because of his current grades and his disinterest in higher education. She called him a failure. She said she was disappointed in him, that he wouldn't make anything of himself. Obviously, he was visibly upset over the words that had just been spat at him through this letter. When he told me about this, of course mama hen here was even more upset.
First off, I don't believe any mother has the right to call her son a failure. Ever. Especially a mother that hasn't talked to nor seen her son in 7 years. I think there's a definite line between a mother and a parent- the mother title is biologically yours; being called a "parent" is a different story-its more of a privilege. A conditional "right". It's yours until your actions cause you to lose it, at which point its never yours unless you earn it back. IF you earn it back.
In this case, she hasn't. Neither of us consider her a parent. She has no right to come in when she chooses to lecture my brother on his future, on his life, and she DEFINITELY has no right whatsoever to call him a failure. She doesn't know the first thing about his life- about his likes, dislikes, struggles, successes,setbacks, challenges, talents, or aspirations. She probably doesn't even know what he looks like. She has done nothing but caused turmoil and trauma in our lifes, and we've simply tried to move on, to get past everything. She's not invited to come into our lives and give her two cents whenever she chooses; it's not wanted and it never will be.
As you can probably tell, I was quite upset when I heard about all of this. I knew her words were carefully chosen, the perfect combinations to maximize the frustration and aggravation results. I've heard them before, I've been in his situation. If she wants to duel it out with me, that's one story. But attacking him- that's an entirely different battle. This kid has been through so much in his past lifetime that he's barely had a childhood. I've worked hard to comfort him and help him rebuild himself over the past few years, I will not let her shatter everything he's slowly put back together of his life with a few tainted words.
I tried to calm him down on the phone, reminding him that we have to use collect every stick in the road and use it as fuel to keep the fire inside of us burning, to never let things like this smother our hopes and dreams; that shouting a nasty words or throwing out some low-blow name calling will not solve the problem at hand. If anything, it's surrendering the fight. It's exactly what she wants.
But I could just see the light inside of him dimming. He's been told he can't all his life, when he's just needed a few people to stand there and push him along, to encourage him to keep going- he's capable of great things. Instead, with a few degrading words, the sounds of support that once rang through his heart were muffled. Only one word was playing through his mind: failure.
While his grades have always been a struggle, he's been far from a failure. His work ethic, aspirations, and passion for the outdoors far surpass his academics. He's always struggled through school, but he's never been dumb. Ask him how any question related to the outdoors, and he can probably talk your ear off for 5 minutes, providing you with information, fun facts, and catch and release techniques. He struggled with history in school, but ask him about history, engage him in conversation about the wars-the kid knows his stuff. Academics have never been his forte, but street smarts and "real world knowledge" are.
And he's probably been working just as long as I have, since he was in 6th grade, if not before. He's always worked hard, earned every penny of his money. Over this past summer, this 16 year old boy worked more hours than most full grown adults do, sometimes putting in a 50, 60+ hour work week. It wasn't any desk job, either. He did full out manual labor, apprenticing for a family friend who does carpentry and other related services. And even after all the time he spent working, he still found time (and energy) to spend time outdoors.
To top it all off, I know he's got aspirations for his future. I've listened to them over the years. They've ranged from opening his own business to owning a hunting and fishing guide service, to forestry, and his most recent one- going into the service. He even discussed joining a special section of the armed forces dedicated to search and rescue. I gained a great deal of respect for him when he made that decision for after graduation, even though deep in my heart I don't want him to go. When I graduated, I couldn't even decide where I wanted to go to college- I switched my schools before I even stepped foot on campus, and then still ended up transferring from there. I even changed majors a few times. I had no idea what I wanted to do- I still don't have any definite plans for after graduation. And here is this kid, who'll be turning 17 in a few days, who has his future planned out and is ready to make that commitment to the service. Even though I'll always see him as my baby brother, he's turned into a man in every sense of the word.
And if it takes every ounce of my being, I won't let anyone stand in between him and his dreams. Nobody will call him a failure. Ever.
He's never been one, and he never will be. The only thing he's ever needed is support, someone to let him know that the critics are wrong- he can do it.
And when he does, the rewards will feel that much more sweeter.
My two goals in life are simple: be a mom, and see my brother succeed in every one of his dreams. I'll do whatever it takes to help him reach those successes and shatter "failure" in every sense of the word. Period.
Sorry that was more of a rant, but thanks for reading. In closing, don't call anyone a failure simply because they don't get the best grades or they lack higher schooling. If you do, you're also calling all of these people failures....
http://www.angelfire.com/stars4/lists/dropouts.html
Think about it that way next time.
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