As the first week of classes comes to a close, I realized tonight just necessary it was to perform some "lite" house cleaning. I couldn't function in the jumbled mess of writing utensils, books, papers, bills, and odds and ends scattered on my desk and practically was killing myself every night trying to exit and enter my room across, over, and under the hurdle of clothes and piles of stuff. So, I avoided the cold and called out sick to the typical Friday night shenanigans, spending an evening inside and closed off in my room to re-coordinate my life.
And even though the utter chaos that was my room could have thrown anyone's Chi off balance ( more like off a cliff, if you ask me) I realized that it represented a great deal about me, each and every little part of it. Every tiny detail has a purpose, represents a small piece of me.
I'm the fairytale inspired framed art above my doorway; In the back of my naive little mind I believe that everyone should get to experience a fairytale, and I secretly wait for that moment.
Look in my book case and you'll not only find leisure books I've held on to for years in hopes to one day have the free time to read them, but old magazines that I've liked, high school yearbooks, and even an empty space for middle school yearbooks that I lent out last summer (and still need to get back!). Check out the bottom shelf, those binders there with class names scribbled out on the spine? Those are filled with dumb awards I won in middle school for things that would muster a chuckle out of any employer nowadays should I add it on my resume. There's hand drawn pictures from friends, old newspaper clippings, a Spanish poem I memorized for a contest, some old report cards, band and theater programs from concerts and shows over the years....I especially liked the $20 gift certificate to a book store that doesn't even exist any more. Some of my favorites are also the copies of old monologues I've had to memorize, the first place ribbon for the 2001 science fair, a school picture of a friend, and an itinerary/rooming assignment for a school funded NYC trip. Of course they're not all good...newspaper clippings from tragic events or deaths, reminders of traumatic times I've been through and family struggles, and personal loss; but they're things to be remembered for better or for worse.
Should you choose to leaf through the other binders, you'll find amateur photography from my B&W photo class, and others filled with writing samples from middle and high school, with random scribbled papers that have been shoved in the front and back pockets over the years.
Right next to those, you'll find what I'm most notorious for...little bags of the past. In 2 zip locked bags shoved in the corner you'll find little nic nacs I've acquired throughout my travels over the years. Why I save some of these things, I still don't have a good answer. Dig through everything and you'll find broadway ticket stubs, subway passes, brochures from places I visited and brochures from places I wanted to visit. There are plane tickets and bus vouchers, a cool drink stirrer, post cards, a napkin from Carnagie Deli (unused of course), city maps, museum entrance coupons, and even a menu from a restaurant. And these are really only the start. Search around and you'll probably find a few more bags of stuff tucked away under my bed with the same random and usless but just as meaningful stuff.
I know many, if not most of the items are probably just taking up space, but I can't seem to part with them. Trust me, I've tried multiple times. Sometimes I'll use the excuse that one day I'll put them into a scrapbook to save. And I probably will...when I'm bored in a nursing home during retirement. Part of me keeps these things around to make sure I never forget. Even years later, every piece I touch, every old piece of writing I read over or every picture I view, the memories bubble up from the depths of memory storage and I get to experience them again.
Take a look at my shelf. Although at first glance, a very random assortment of toys and pictures and cards. But examine everything closely and you'll discover that it might as well be an avant garde representation of my heart. Pictures with some of the best friends I've ever had. A stuffed animal given to me before I left Lyndon from Kelley. A snowglobe with a picture of Jaimie and I. A piece of South African money, a 20 rand bill. Then, tucked in the back are cards I've received from my dad for my birthday and in the spirit packs. They're the reason I love getting the spirit packs, just for the notes. They're always filled with words of love and encouragement, words that aren't usually ever spoken to me. Just little reminders that they're really there, even if only in writing.
I'm everything in these four purple walls. I'm the framed piano photos and random GD pieces tacked to the walls. I'm the stack of baby and childhood photos sitting on my desk of my brother and I and the extensive stash of highlighters piled in the corner of the desk drawer, collected from years of stocking stuffers. I'm the piece of paper from a desktop daily calendar for left handers, ripped out and taped to the wall. God damn it, I'm even the two Blockbuster name tags pinned into my curtains so I don't lose them.
But I think the thing I like the most, is the special little bag I have hidden deep within my room, filled with little notes I've acquired over the years. There are ones on pretty paper and computer paper, and some are even scrawled on lined paper ripped from note books. Some are neatly folded, and some are slightly crumpled. But, each one is always folded back into the way it was originally given to me. Some even still have the original envelope. They're notes from friends, past and present. They're copies of notes I've written to friends or ex-crushes, and ones I've received in return. They are filled with words of encouragement, words of love, words of inspiration. Some of them make me cry, but all of them make me smile and happy inside. They remind me of the amazing people I've had the pleasure of knowing and I'm so lucky to have had them in my life at one point or another.
It's weird sitting here and thinking about how far I've come and how far I have to go; to think about the places I've been, the things I've seen, the experiences I've experienced; to think back over all the things that have happened to me, good and bad. All of these little nic nacs and clippings and saved momentos have all been a part of one event, person, place, thing, experience, or feeling that has shaped me into who I am today. They represent what I cherish, what I've been through, my passions, my hobbies, my strengths, my weaknesses and the people I hold closest to my heart.
So, for better or for worse, I am these momentos. I'm the art on the wall, the collection of assorted souvenirs, the pink and purple tacks on the wall. I'm the random stacks of old photos shoved inbetween books I'll probably never read and hidden in the pages of my journal. I'm the glass full of Coke caps I need to enter for reward points. I'm the handwritten notes, the binders of writing, the sketchbooks full of horrible drawing attempts and verses of poems and lyrics that never made it further than as a random piece of thought. I'm the north wall, the south wall, and everything in between.
Sappy? Most definitely. Pack Rat-ty? For Sure. Sentimental? Of Course.
But, for better or for worse, this chaotic, ecclectic, jumbled, sentimental, disorganized but meaningful mess is.....me.
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
In like a lamb, out like a lion.
Well. I know one thing, it's definitely been a long time since I've updated. It's bad of me, I know, and I tell myself all the time I'm going to update again more frequently. But, you can see how far that's gotten me.
Tonight's blog title explains my new year. It's been a low key night, here by myself, watching TV and kicking back in my dad's recliner. At first I was a little bummed that I wasn't down on Church St. braving the cold and wind to hustle and bustle with the best of them, but the peace and quiet has been welcoming tonight, a nice change from all the rest of 2008. So, I've decided that I'll ring in 2009 like a lamb, here and quiet by myself, just reflecting on the past year.
It's been quite a whirlwind. As per usual, I can't remember much of the beginning. I rang in my 21st birthday this year, which also coincided with the Super Bowl. None the less, I spent my 21st birthday right in my second home, the theater. I had rehearsal for the Short Works Festival until 10pm that night, and then I crossed the street and cracked open my first legal beer with Laura in the neighborhood favorite bar, Mckees. Little did I know that this would become the home of many great hangouts, and long, serious conversations with friends, and of course, the first place to start off our Halloween celebration.
Most of the first months of 2008 were consumed with school, work, and extra curriculars of course. Some of my favorite memories include the Mox-Off 2008 with some Phoneathon favorites, Spring Meltdown, and watching the sunset down by the water front.
April brought about the end of school, and another first for me--my first year staying in Burlington for the summer. It was a change, but I knew it was necessary--not only for school and internships, but also mentally. It had been time for me to start breaking off from the homestead, and this was a good transition. It was a summer of internships, working at Blockbuster (which, secretly, has been a job I've wanted since I was a kid haha), and being able to roam about on my own, experience a legendary "Burlington Summer". If for nothing else, I loved it for the scenery. Burlington is beautiful, no matter what season you view it in.
The end of the summer brought about many, many changes, and a true experience I'll never forget for better or for worse. This was the beginning of the United Nations Project and a once in a lifetime opportunity to visit South Africa. For someone who had never been abroad in her life (save Canada, if that counts I guess.) this was such an amazing opportunity that I couldn't have been more thankful for. Little did I know, it was going to mean fighting with Residential Life about keeping my RA position, which ultimately did not happen. It meant changing my life around for this project, losing monies I would have received, and moving out of an apartment I had just lived in for the past 4 months or so. For someone who doesn't favor drastic change, this was a hard experience for me, but it was probably necessary. It taught me to never give up in what I believe in, to listen to my heart. My head told me to bow out and to keep what I already had, my heart told me to take this incredible opportunity.
...And it changed my life.
The fall brought new roommates, new living situations, new friends, new faces, new classes. The leaves proved for good photography, and taking my brother's senior portraits truly made it apparent that he's growing up from the exuberant, laughing, bouncy blonde haired little boy that I'd seen him as all along. Yet, it made me appreciate him even more.
Halloween made an appearance, filled with costumes and guest lecturing and friendly get-togethers. Soon the leaves fell and so did the snow, bringing along with it Thanksgiving and other related festivities. Christmas was small, but its one of the few times all 3 of us are together, and its something I cherish. And now, here I sit as the new year silently rolls in, with nothing but the sounds of Robin Spielberg's piano music to accompany me as I write this. I welcome it.
Wow, there were so many things I wanted to write here that I thought about prior to starting this. I had thought that save Africa, 2008 had been a pretty rough year with many tears and family drama. But on second glance, although it's been hard, each experience has helped me grow exponentially. Every tear cried is another layer of thicker skin, I guess. I've realized that my family really can survive just about anything. We've been through so much, and every time there's problems I fear the worst and wait for the day that it will completely shatter everything we've got. And yet, the day has never come *knock on wood*. We've gotten through it, worked through it. We've always survived.
And through everything, I've survived. There were times I thought I was down for the count, and wasn't sure how I was going to be able to hold on to what little sanity I had. And yet, here I am, still holding on to that same bit of sanity. Atleast, I think so, haha. Every year past has brought on more and more things to break me down, and I've survived. It really gives me hope for the future that I'll be fully prepared to shoot out of the college gates into life.
But the best thing about 2008 are the people that have come into my life or stayed with me in my life. I know most people say what they're Thankful for at Thanksgiving and such, but as the new year settles in, I want to remember what I'm most thankful for and hope that it all carries over into the new year.
First, there are the people who have always been in my life...my family. They've been my rock. They're the ones I call and bitch about my life to, the ones I call when I'm having a mental breakdown and in tears from stress. There have been times that I thought I'd lost them, and they've caused me great stress, but they've brought me great happiness, which is something I wouldn't trade for the world.
Second, there are these friends that have been in my life, and no matter what I do, they just don't ever want to seem to leave! They make me laugh, they make me smile, they keep my spirits up. They're amazing, to say the least. Some of them I don't get to see as nearly as much as I'd like, but no matter what, we always kind a way to keep in touch, from a facebook message, to an im, to a text message. I love them more than words can say. And of course, there's my other 2/3, the other two Sherry's. Together, we make Sherry Cubed. And I don't think I could survive without them. Really.
But even though I'll always owe my life to my family and my friends, there's a certain group of friends I'm especially thankful for this year--these special boys that live down the hall. In just a matter of months, their apartment has become my second home (although technically it really WAS my second home, cuz I definitely lived in that apartment haha) and I've experienced many hours of entertainment from movies, to video games to general shenanigans. But most of all, they've been there for me, more than any guy friend I've ever had. When they first said they were going to come to my fall show, I was skeptical. But they were persistent and excited about it. As much as I wanted to be excited, I didn't think they'd be there. But when I looked out that night, there they were. Just for me. I felt so incredibly special, I'd never had guy friends not only come out to a show, but also be excited about it. To want to come. Ever. It was then that I knew these boys really, truly wanted to be friends. These boys have been there for me, supported me, come to my shows, been my shoulder to cry on. They've been awesome sledding partners, movie watchers, and conversationalists ; They even pushed my car down 5 flights in the parking garage to the tow truck when it was dead and picked me up from work when I was carless. I've never had guy friends that have put in just as much effort into a friendship...ever. They've become like my brothers and sometimes I tend to pull out the "mama hen" on them, but it's only because I care about them so much. I'm so honored to say that I'm friends with them, and I can't wait for the many more adventures that await in the coming months. I guess what I want to say is... thanks. You guys are nothing short of amazing. <3
And then there are those that I've slightly lost touch with, the friends I hope to spend more time with who I've drifted apart from, and those that are just blossoming. I know sometimes that school and work and other such obligations can consume a great portion of your time (I'm probably the guiltiest!) and sometimes we just don't have as much time for hanging out as possible. But, nonetheless, I haven't forgotten about any of you. I really hope to be able to spend more time with all of you, especially those that are graduating in the Spring.
Love you guys. ALL of you.
2008 has been a roller coaster of a ride, with plenty of thrills and chills. My heart has cried, broken, healed, and rejuvinated. I've learned more about myself and others around me, grown closer to some and drifted apart from some. I've been to places I'd never imagine I'd go to but suffered incredible losses at the same time. Overall, it's been an amazing ride, but after 365 days, I'm ready to get off. It's time to try out the newest thrill in town, 2009. Hop in, buckle up and let's hope for one hell of an amazing time!
Disclaimer: I've realized I write like a drunken, blabbering collegiate broad with emotional dribble when I get distracted and fill the void with "I love you so much"s and "amazing"s falling all over the place. I also develop a sudden loss of energy to go back and change the verbage. Unlike a drunken broad, however, I DO mean everything I said, I WILL remember what I wrote here... (and I wont be an STD grab bag when I wake up tomorrow)....I just wish I had worded it a little bit better. In any case, you all know what I mean...
One Love.
2009 is in like a lamb, here's to ringing it out like a lion in December. Cheers.
Tonight's blog title explains my new year. It's been a low key night, here by myself, watching TV and kicking back in my dad's recliner. At first I was a little bummed that I wasn't down on Church St. braving the cold and wind to hustle and bustle with the best of them, but the peace and quiet has been welcoming tonight, a nice change from all the rest of 2008. So, I've decided that I'll ring in 2009 like a lamb, here and quiet by myself, just reflecting on the past year.
It's been quite a whirlwind. As per usual, I can't remember much of the beginning. I rang in my 21st birthday this year, which also coincided with the Super Bowl. None the less, I spent my 21st birthday right in my second home, the theater. I had rehearsal for the Short Works Festival until 10pm that night, and then I crossed the street and cracked open my first legal beer with Laura in the neighborhood favorite bar, Mckees. Little did I know that this would become the home of many great hangouts, and long, serious conversations with friends, and of course, the first place to start off our Halloween celebration.
Most of the first months of 2008 were consumed with school, work, and extra curriculars of course. Some of my favorite memories include the Mox-Off 2008 with some Phoneathon favorites, Spring Meltdown, and watching the sunset down by the water front.
April brought about the end of school, and another first for me--my first year staying in Burlington for the summer. It was a change, but I knew it was necessary--not only for school and internships, but also mentally. It had been time for me to start breaking off from the homestead, and this was a good transition. It was a summer of internships, working at Blockbuster (which, secretly, has been a job I've wanted since I was a kid haha), and being able to roam about on my own, experience a legendary "Burlington Summer". If for nothing else, I loved it for the scenery. Burlington is beautiful, no matter what season you view it in.
The end of the summer brought about many, many changes, and a true experience I'll never forget for better or for worse. This was the beginning of the United Nations Project and a once in a lifetime opportunity to visit South Africa. For someone who had never been abroad in her life (save Canada, if that counts I guess.) this was such an amazing opportunity that I couldn't have been more thankful for. Little did I know, it was going to mean fighting with Residential Life about keeping my RA position, which ultimately did not happen. It meant changing my life around for this project, losing monies I would have received, and moving out of an apartment I had just lived in for the past 4 months or so. For someone who doesn't favor drastic change, this was a hard experience for me, but it was probably necessary. It taught me to never give up in what I believe in, to listen to my heart. My head told me to bow out and to keep what I already had, my heart told me to take this incredible opportunity.
...And it changed my life.
The fall brought new roommates, new living situations, new friends, new faces, new classes. The leaves proved for good photography, and taking my brother's senior portraits truly made it apparent that he's growing up from the exuberant, laughing, bouncy blonde haired little boy that I'd seen him as all along. Yet, it made me appreciate him even more.
Halloween made an appearance, filled with costumes and guest lecturing and friendly get-togethers. Soon the leaves fell and so did the snow, bringing along with it Thanksgiving and other related festivities. Christmas was small, but its one of the few times all 3 of us are together, and its something I cherish. And now, here I sit as the new year silently rolls in, with nothing but the sounds of Robin Spielberg's piano music to accompany me as I write this. I welcome it.
Wow, there were so many things I wanted to write here that I thought about prior to starting this. I had thought that save Africa, 2008 had been a pretty rough year with many tears and family drama. But on second glance, although it's been hard, each experience has helped me grow exponentially. Every tear cried is another layer of thicker skin, I guess. I've realized that my family really can survive just about anything. We've been through so much, and every time there's problems I fear the worst and wait for the day that it will completely shatter everything we've got. And yet, the day has never come *knock on wood*. We've gotten through it, worked through it. We've always survived.
And through everything, I've survived. There were times I thought I was down for the count, and wasn't sure how I was going to be able to hold on to what little sanity I had. And yet, here I am, still holding on to that same bit of sanity. Atleast, I think so, haha. Every year past has brought on more and more things to break me down, and I've survived. It really gives me hope for the future that I'll be fully prepared to shoot out of the college gates into life.
But the best thing about 2008 are the people that have come into my life or stayed with me in my life. I know most people say what they're Thankful for at Thanksgiving and such, but as the new year settles in, I want to remember what I'm most thankful for and hope that it all carries over into the new year.
First, there are the people who have always been in my life...my family. They've been my rock. They're the ones I call and bitch about my life to, the ones I call when I'm having a mental breakdown and in tears from stress. There have been times that I thought I'd lost them, and they've caused me great stress, but they've brought me great happiness, which is something I wouldn't trade for the world.
Second, there are these friends that have been in my life, and no matter what I do, they just don't ever want to seem to leave! They make me laugh, they make me smile, they keep my spirits up. They're amazing, to say the least. Some of them I don't get to see as nearly as much as I'd like, but no matter what, we always kind a way to keep in touch, from a facebook message, to an im, to a text message. I love them more than words can say. And of course, there's my other 2/3, the other two Sherry's. Together, we make Sherry Cubed. And I don't think I could survive without them. Really.
But even though I'll always owe my life to my family and my friends, there's a certain group of friends I'm especially thankful for this year--these special boys that live down the hall. In just a matter of months, their apartment has become my second home (although technically it really WAS my second home, cuz I definitely lived in that apartment haha) and I've experienced many hours of entertainment from movies, to video games to general shenanigans. But most of all, they've been there for me, more than any guy friend I've ever had. When they first said they were going to come to my fall show, I was skeptical. But they were persistent and excited about it. As much as I wanted to be excited, I didn't think they'd be there. But when I looked out that night, there they were. Just for me. I felt so incredibly special, I'd never had guy friends not only come out to a show, but also be excited about it. To want to come. Ever. It was then that I knew these boys really, truly wanted to be friends. These boys have been there for me, supported me, come to my shows, been my shoulder to cry on. They've been awesome sledding partners, movie watchers, and conversationalists ; They even pushed my car down 5 flights in the parking garage to the tow truck when it was dead and picked me up from work when I was carless. I've never had guy friends that have put in just as much effort into a friendship...ever. They've become like my brothers and sometimes I tend to pull out the "mama hen" on them, but it's only because I care about them so much. I'm so honored to say that I'm friends with them, and I can't wait for the many more adventures that await in the coming months. I guess what I want to say is... thanks. You guys are nothing short of amazing. <3
And then there are those that I've slightly lost touch with, the friends I hope to spend more time with who I've drifted apart from, and those that are just blossoming. I know sometimes that school and work and other such obligations can consume a great portion of your time (I'm probably the guiltiest!) and sometimes we just don't have as much time for hanging out as possible. But, nonetheless, I haven't forgotten about any of you. I really hope to be able to spend more time with all of you, especially those that are graduating in the Spring.
Love you guys. ALL of you.
2008 has been a roller coaster of a ride, with plenty of thrills and chills. My heart has cried, broken, healed, and rejuvinated. I've learned more about myself and others around me, grown closer to some and drifted apart from some. I've been to places I'd never imagine I'd go to but suffered incredible losses at the same time. Overall, it's been an amazing ride, but after 365 days, I'm ready to get off. It's time to try out the newest thrill in town, 2009. Hop in, buckle up and let's hope for one hell of an amazing time!
Disclaimer: I've realized I write like a drunken, blabbering collegiate broad with emotional dribble when I get distracted and fill the void with "I love you so much"s and "amazing"s falling all over the place. I also develop a sudden loss of energy to go back and change the verbage. Unlike a drunken broad, however, I DO mean everything I said, I WILL remember what I wrote here... (and I wont be an STD grab bag when I wake up tomorrow)....I just wish I had worded it a little bit better. In any case, you all know what I mean...
One Love.
2009 is in like a lamb, here's to ringing it out like a lion in December. Cheers.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
The smell of summer is in the air
Forget a dozen roses; the key to my heart is definitely lilacs. I've always associated the start of summer with lilacs. I live for them. I just realized a few days ago that they've started to bloom, and can only squeal with excitement every time we drive by them. Today, as Amanda and I were leaving the library parking lot after running some errands on campus, I made her stop her truck and I barrel rolled out to grab a branch off of a nearby lilac bush. I spent the rest of the ride back to Spinner just smelling it over and over again.
The other day I was walking to the gym, just after sunset. Winooski was humming with excitement, and I couldn't help but smile as the sounds of laughter and distant barbecues drifted by me. But suddenly, a scent caught me off guard. It was refreshing, lovely. It was familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. But as I continued my trek, the scent continued, growing stronger, surrounding me with spring. Finally, as I approached the door, I looked over the the adjacent house and there was a bush of freshly blooming lilacs. It was a happy moment. :)
They're usually the first things that remind me that summer is officially on its way. Sometimes, I consider them the unsung flower heroes of the summer. They come in quietly, most times go unnoticed and quietly pass. Many people don't give them a passing glance, grouping them with other common bushes and shrubbery. But there's something magical about the way they can stop you in your tracks, even if you can't see them. You can't help but breathe a little deeper, absorbing all they have to offer. Sometimes, you don't give it another thought but for that one moment, they gave you a little bit of extra life within you.
They've always held a special place in my heart, not only for their external appeal but for the way they trigger so many memories within me, and I tend to have a horrible memory unless something triggers it. Growing up, we always had a long row of lilacs that grew along the edge of our property. I can still vividly remember how I would spend my afternoons releasing my inner tom boy, ripping down branches and cutting out small holes within the bushes to create forts within the lilacs; but at the end of the day, I would simply sit there and inhale deeply, breathing in the beautiful scent and thinking fun girly thoughts.
I remember when they would first begin to bloom, I would run out into the yard and begin to carefully tear the little branches, creating bouquets of lilacs. I spent day after day grabbing as many bunches as my little hands could hold and running into the house and filling every tiny drinking cup I had with water and placing them the flowers all over the house. I can even still remember the time my parents let me have some in my room. I placed a small cup on the windowsill with a single lilac branch. Every night I would open the window a crack and let the breeze waft the scent over me as I drifted off to sleep.
Then, one spring, a man came along and offered to buy some of the lilacs for a wedding. My parents agreed, and I can remember watching in horror from my bedroom window as he began to chop and butcher the bushes, collecting bucket after bucket of lilacs. I almost cried that day, convinced that they'd never grow back. A little pathetic, but hey, I was still a kid. It still falls under the cute realm. :)
Lilacs remind me of proms and prom season; for two years I remember watching the prom at the high school, wishing I was one of the lucky upperclassmen attending. Then, finally being able to attend my junior and senior years. Prom was special to me. For 364 days of that year, I was a tom boy. I hunted, I fished, I scaled archery courses, wrangled kids at the day care, and rolled with the punches, being the only female in the house. But for that one day, those few hours, I was able to dress up. I put aside the camo, weapons, and potty mouth; I was a woman. I was never really allowed to play dress up as a kid, to buy girly stuff. But for this one night, I could mimic all the Disney princesses I'd grown up watching. It was one of the few nights in my entire life that I'd ever felt truly pretty. I liked the way people looked at me, the way my family looked at me. The smiles I received. The way I was treated. As minuscule as it was to some people, its something I embraced and still cherish to this day.
And with one smell, that small flower brings back every emotion and every feeling. It's times like this that I wish they grew year round. There are some days that completely drain me to the last drop of energy, of happiness. And with one breath of lilacs, I could flash back to pure, summer happiness. True, uninhibited happiness. It's been a very long time since I've felt that way since.
Lilacs remind me of summer; of longer, warmer evenings. They bring back memories of running through the grass barefooted; of swinging from the maple trees and picking off the newly blossoming leaves. They meant being able to leave the house without a jacket on when heading to the bus stop in the mornings and opening the windows for that first gentle breeze. They signified cookouts and bonfires, late night family gatherings that made the neighborhood ring with laughter. They were the flowers I picked when I went on walks in the woods with my dad for just some "us" time. They were the reason I went through a brief "flower shop owner" stint in my ever evolving career aspirations. Sometimes, they acted as reminders that my brother's birthday was approaching on May 20th. They even meant graveside visits to relatives as we created bouquets to decorate the graves. They were forts, picture backdrops, hideaways, and "bases" for every childhood game we could dream up; they were decorations, retreats,and inspirations. When they bloomed, everyone had a renewed sense of life deep within their eyes, within their souls as if a new energy swam around them. In a household that always had a dreary and heavy cloud of worries and problems hanging over it, for a brief moment, they brought about the one thing I always prayed for for my family--love.
And now, as I spend my first summer in Burlington, away from my family, they signify home.
Overall, they symbolized life, in every sense of the word. They were new life, a splash of color variety among a palette of greens. They were energizing, uplifting. A subtle scent of beauty. And no matter how long or damaging the winter months were, they continued to grow, year after year relentlessly. They proved that no matter what, life could prevail. Just when it seemed like the winter months had you at the tip of their sword, ready to suffocate you with their never ending despair and desolation, a revitalizing breath was waiting. Life continues on, even when you begin to feel it never will. You can't always see it, and sometimes you forget its there. But you'll always find it. That renewed life will be there waiting. And sometimes, all it takes is a distant drifting reminder. For you, it may be something else.
For me, it's the lilacs.
They're life, they're love, they're beauty; they're a reminder that through every tribulation, happiness is right around the corner. They're a renewed sense of hope.
Sometimes, it's small things like that that keep me going from day to day, finding those simple joys of life that I truly enjoy.
The other day I was walking to the gym, just after sunset. Winooski was humming with excitement, and I couldn't help but smile as the sounds of laughter and distant barbecues drifted by me. But suddenly, a scent caught me off guard. It was refreshing, lovely. It was familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. But as I continued my trek, the scent continued, growing stronger, surrounding me with spring. Finally, as I approached the door, I looked over the the adjacent house and there was a bush of freshly blooming lilacs. It was a happy moment. :)
They're usually the first things that remind me that summer is officially on its way. Sometimes, I consider them the unsung flower heroes of the summer. They come in quietly, most times go unnoticed and quietly pass. Many people don't give them a passing glance, grouping them with other common bushes and shrubbery. But there's something magical about the way they can stop you in your tracks, even if you can't see them. You can't help but breathe a little deeper, absorbing all they have to offer. Sometimes, you don't give it another thought but for that one moment, they gave you a little bit of extra life within you.
They've always held a special place in my heart, not only for their external appeal but for the way they trigger so many memories within me, and I tend to have a horrible memory unless something triggers it. Growing up, we always had a long row of lilacs that grew along the edge of our property. I can still vividly remember how I would spend my afternoons releasing my inner tom boy, ripping down branches and cutting out small holes within the bushes to create forts within the lilacs; but at the end of the day, I would simply sit there and inhale deeply, breathing in the beautiful scent and thinking fun girly thoughts.
I remember when they would first begin to bloom, I would run out into the yard and begin to carefully tear the little branches, creating bouquets of lilacs. I spent day after day grabbing as many bunches as my little hands could hold and running into the house and filling every tiny drinking cup I had with water and placing them the flowers all over the house. I can even still remember the time my parents let me have some in my room. I placed a small cup on the windowsill with a single lilac branch. Every night I would open the window a crack and let the breeze waft the scent over me as I drifted off to sleep.
Then, one spring, a man came along and offered to buy some of the lilacs for a wedding. My parents agreed, and I can remember watching in horror from my bedroom window as he began to chop and butcher the bushes, collecting bucket after bucket of lilacs. I almost cried that day, convinced that they'd never grow back. A little pathetic, but hey, I was still a kid. It still falls under the cute realm. :)
Lilacs remind me of proms and prom season; for two years I remember watching the prom at the high school, wishing I was one of the lucky upperclassmen attending. Then, finally being able to attend my junior and senior years. Prom was special to me. For 364 days of that year, I was a tom boy. I hunted, I fished, I scaled archery courses, wrangled kids at the day care, and rolled with the punches, being the only female in the house. But for that one day, those few hours, I was able to dress up. I put aside the camo, weapons, and potty mouth; I was a woman. I was never really allowed to play dress up as a kid, to buy girly stuff. But for this one night, I could mimic all the Disney princesses I'd grown up watching. It was one of the few nights in my entire life that I'd ever felt truly pretty. I liked the way people looked at me, the way my family looked at me. The smiles I received. The way I was treated. As minuscule as it was to some people, its something I embraced and still cherish to this day.
And with one smell, that small flower brings back every emotion and every feeling. It's times like this that I wish they grew year round. There are some days that completely drain me to the last drop of energy, of happiness. And with one breath of lilacs, I could flash back to pure, summer happiness. True, uninhibited happiness. It's been a very long time since I've felt that way since.
Lilacs remind me of summer; of longer, warmer evenings. They bring back memories of running through the grass barefooted; of swinging from the maple trees and picking off the newly blossoming leaves. They meant being able to leave the house without a jacket on when heading to the bus stop in the mornings and opening the windows for that first gentle breeze. They signified cookouts and bonfires, late night family gatherings that made the neighborhood ring with laughter. They were the flowers I picked when I went on walks in the woods with my dad for just some "us" time. They were the reason I went through a brief "flower shop owner" stint in my ever evolving career aspirations. Sometimes, they acted as reminders that my brother's birthday was approaching on May 20th. They even meant graveside visits to relatives as we created bouquets to decorate the graves. They were forts, picture backdrops, hideaways, and "bases" for every childhood game we could dream up; they were decorations, retreats,and inspirations. When they bloomed, everyone had a renewed sense of life deep within their eyes, within their souls as if a new energy swam around them. In a household that always had a dreary and heavy cloud of worries and problems hanging over it, for a brief moment, they brought about the one thing I always prayed for for my family--love.
And now, as I spend my first summer in Burlington, away from my family, they signify home.
Overall, they symbolized life, in every sense of the word. They were new life, a splash of color variety among a palette of greens. They were energizing, uplifting. A subtle scent of beauty. And no matter how long or damaging the winter months were, they continued to grow, year after year relentlessly. They proved that no matter what, life could prevail. Just when it seemed like the winter months had you at the tip of their sword, ready to suffocate you with their never ending despair and desolation, a revitalizing breath was waiting. Life continues on, even when you begin to feel it never will. You can't always see it, and sometimes you forget its there. But you'll always find it. That renewed life will be there waiting. And sometimes, all it takes is a distant drifting reminder. For you, it may be something else.
For me, it's the lilacs.
They're life, they're love, they're beauty; they're a reminder that through every tribulation, happiness is right around the corner. They're a renewed sense of hope.
Sometimes, it's small things like that that keep me going from day to day, finding those simple joys of life that I truly enjoy.
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