As the first week of classes comes to a close, I realized tonight just necessary it was to perform some "lite" house cleaning. I couldn't function in the jumbled mess of writing utensils, books, papers, bills, and odds and ends scattered on my desk and practically was killing myself every night trying to exit and enter my room across, over, and under the hurdle of clothes and piles of stuff. So, I avoided the cold and called out sick to the typical Friday night shenanigans, spending an evening inside and closed off in my room to re-coordinate my life.
And even though the utter chaos that was my room could have thrown anyone's Chi off balance ( more like off a cliff, if you ask me) I realized that it represented a great deal about me, each and every little part of it. Every tiny detail has a purpose, represents a small piece of me.
I'm the fairytale inspired framed art above my doorway; In the back of my naive little mind I believe that everyone should get to experience a fairytale, and I secretly wait for that moment.
Look in my book case and you'll not only find leisure books I've held on to for years in hopes to one day have the free time to read them, but old magazines that I've liked, high school yearbooks, and even an empty space for middle school yearbooks that I lent out last summer (and still need to get back!). Check out the bottom shelf, those binders there with class names scribbled out on the spine? Those are filled with dumb awards I won in middle school for things that would muster a chuckle out of any employer nowadays should I add it on my resume. There's hand drawn pictures from friends, old newspaper clippings, a Spanish poem I memorized for a contest, some old report cards, band and theater programs from concerts and shows over the years....I especially liked the $20 gift certificate to a book store that doesn't even exist any more. Some of my favorites are also the copies of old monologues I've had to memorize, the first place ribbon for the 2001 science fair, a school picture of a friend, and an itinerary/rooming assignment for a school funded NYC trip. Of course they're not all good...newspaper clippings from tragic events or deaths, reminders of traumatic times I've been through and family struggles, and personal loss; but they're things to be remembered for better or for worse.
Should you choose to leaf through the other binders, you'll find amateur photography from my B&W photo class, and others filled with writing samples from middle and high school, with random scribbled papers that have been shoved in the front and back pockets over the years.
Right next to those, you'll find what I'm most notorious for...little bags of the past. In 2 zip locked bags shoved in the corner you'll find little nic nacs I've acquired throughout my travels over the years. Why I save some of these things, I still don't have a good answer. Dig through everything and you'll find broadway ticket stubs, subway passes, brochures from places I visited and brochures from places I wanted to visit. There are plane tickets and bus vouchers, a cool drink stirrer, post cards, a napkin from Carnagie Deli (unused of course), city maps, museum entrance coupons, and even a menu from a restaurant. And these are really only the start. Search around and you'll probably find a few more bags of stuff tucked away under my bed with the same random and usless but just as meaningful stuff.
I know many, if not most of the items are probably just taking up space, but I can't seem to part with them. Trust me, I've tried multiple times. Sometimes I'll use the excuse that one day I'll put them into a scrapbook to save. And I probably will...when I'm bored in a nursing home during retirement. Part of me keeps these things around to make sure I never forget. Even years later, every piece I touch, every old piece of writing I read over or every picture I view, the memories bubble up from the depths of memory storage and I get to experience them again.
Take a look at my shelf. Although at first glance, a very random assortment of toys and pictures and cards. But examine everything closely and you'll discover that it might as well be an avant garde representation of my heart. Pictures with some of the best friends I've ever had. A stuffed animal given to me before I left Lyndon from Kelley. A snowglobe with a picture of Jaimie and I. A piece of South African money, a 20 rand bill. Then, tucked in the back are cards I've received from my dad for my birthday and in the spirit packs. They're the reason I love getting the spirit packs, just for the notes. They're always filled with words of love and encouragement, words that aren't usually ever spoken to me. Just little reminders that they're really there, even if only in writing.
I'm everything in these four purple walls. I'm the framed piano photos and random GD pieces tacked to the walls. I'm the stack of baby and childhood photos sitting on my desk of my brother and I and the extensive stash of highlighters piled in the corner of the desk drawer, collected from years of stocking stuffers. I'm the piece of paper from a desktop daily calendar for left handers, ripped out and taped to the wall. God damn it, I'm even the two Blockbuster name tags pinned into my curtains so I don't lose them.
But I think the thing I like the most, is the special little bag I have hidden deep within my room, filled with little notes I've acquired over the years. There are ones on pretty paper and computer paper, and some are even scrawled on lined paper ripped from note books. Some are neatly folded, and some are slightly crumpled. But, each one is always folded back into the way it was originally given to me. Some even still have the original envelope. They're notes from friends, past and present. They're copies of notes I've written to friends or ex-crushes, and ones I've received in return. They are filled with words of encouragement, words of love, words of inspiration. Some of them make me cry, but all of them make me smile and happy inside. They remind me of the amazing people I've had the pleasure of knowing and I'm so lucky to have had them in my life at one point or another.
It's weird sitting here and thinking about how far I've come and how far I have to go; to think about the places I've been, the things I've seen, the experiences I've experienced; to think back over all the things that have happened to me, good and bad. All of these little nic nacs and clippings and saved momentos have all been a part of one event, person, place, thing, experience, or feeling that has shaped me into who I am today. They represent what I cherish, what I've been through, my passions, my hobbies, my strengths, my weaknesses and the people I hold closest to my heart.
So, for better or for worse, I am these momentos. I'm the art on the wall, the collection of assorted souvenirs, the pink and purple tacks on the wall. I'm the random stacks of old photos shoved inbetween books I'll probably never read and hidden in the pages of my journal. I'm the glass full of Coke caps I need to enter for reward points. I'm the handwritten notes, the binders of writing, the sketchbooks full of horrible drawing attempts and verses of poems and lyrics that never made it further than as a random piece of thought. I'm the north wall, the south wall, and everything in between.
Sappy? Most definitely. Pack Rat-ty? For Sure. Sentimental? Of Course.
But, for better or for worse, this chaotic, ecclectic, jumbled, sentimental, disorganized but meaningful mess is.....me.
Showing posts with label Magoon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Magoon. Show all posts
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
In like a lamb, out like a lion.
Well. I know one thing, it's definitely been a long time since I've updated. It's bad of me, I know, and I tell myself all the time I'm going to update again more frequently. But, you can see how far that's gotten me.
Tonight's blog title explains my new year. It's been a low key night, here by myself, watching TV and kicking back in my dad's recliner. At first I was a little bummed that I wasn't down on Church St. braving the cold and wind to hustle and bustle with the best of them, but the peace and quiet has been welcoming tonight, a nice change from all the rest of 2008. So, I've decided that I'll ring in 2009 like a lamb, here and quiet by myself, just reflecting on the past year.
It's been quite a whirlwind. As per usual, I can't remember much of the beginning. I rang in my 21st birthday this year, which also coincided with the Super Bowl. None the less, I spent my 21st birthday right in my second home, the theater. I had rehearsal for the Short Works Festival until 10pm that night, and then I crossed the street and cracked open my first legal beer with Laura in the neighborhood favorite bar, Mckees. Little did I know that this would become the home of many great hangouts, and long, serious conversations with friends, and of course, the first place to start off our Halloween celebration.
Most of the first months of 2008 were consumed with school, work, and extra curriculars of course. Some of my favorite memories include the Mox-Off 2008 with some Phoneathon favorites, Spring Meltdown, and watching the sunset down by the water front.
April brought about the end of school, and another first for me--my first year staying in Burlington for the summer. It was a change, but I knew it was necessary--not only for school and internships, but also mentally. It had been time for me to start breaking off from the homestead, and this was a good transition. It was a summer of internships, working at Blockbuster (which, secretly, has been a job I've wanted since I was a kid haha), and being able to roam about on my own, experience a legendary "Burlington Summer". If for nothing else, I loved it for the scenery. Burlington is beautiful, no matter what season you view it in.
The end of the summer brought about many, many changes, and a true experience I'll never forget for better or for worse. This was the beginning of the United Nations Project and a once in a lifetime opportunity to visit South Africa. For someone who had never been abroad in her life (save Canada, if that counts I guess.) this was such an amazing opportunity that I couldn't have been more thankful for. Little did I know, it was going to mean fighting with Residential Life about keeping my RA position, which ultimately did not happen. It meant changing my life around for this project, losing monies I would have received, and moving out of an apartment I had just lived in for the past 4 months or so. For someone who doesn't favor drastic change, this was a hard experience for me, but it was probably necessary. It taught me to never give up in what I believe in, to listen to my heart. My head told me to bow out and to keep what I already had, my heart told me to take this incredible opportunity.
...And it changed my life.
The fall brought new roommates, new living situations, new friends, new faces, new classes. The leaves proved for good photography, and taking my brother's senior portraits truly made it apparent that he's growing up from the exuberant, laughing, bouncy blonde haired little boy that I'd seen him as all along. Yet, it made me appreciate him even more.
Halloween made an appearance, filled with costumes and guest lecturing and friendly get-togethers. Soon the leaves fell and so did the snow, bringing along with it Thanksgiving and other related festivities. Christmas was small, but its one of the few times all 3 of us are together, and its something I cherish. And now, here I sit as the new year silently rolls in, with nothing but the sounds of Robin Spielberg's piano music to accompany me as I write this. I welcome it.
Wow, there were so many things I wanted to write here that I thought about prior to starting this. I had thought that save Africa, 2008 had been a pretty rough year with many tears and family drama. But on second glance, although it's been hard, each experience has helped me grow exponentially. Every tear cried is another layer of thicker skin, I guess. I've realized that my family really can survive just about anything. We've been through so much, and every time there's problems I fear the worst and wait for the day that it will completely shatter everything we've got. And yet, the day has never come *knock on wood*. We've gotten through it, worked through it. We've always survived.
And through everything, I've survived. There were times I thought I was down for the count, and wasn't sure how I was going to be able to hold on to what little sanity I had. And yet, here I am, still holding on to that same bit of sanity. Atleast, I think so, haha. Every year past has brought on more and more things to break me down, and I've survived. It really gives me hope for the future that I'll be fully prepared to shoot out of the college gates into life.
But the best thing about 2008 are the people that have come into my life or stayed with me in my life. I know most people say what they're Thankful for at Thanksgiving and such, but as the new year settles in, I want to remember what I'm most thankful for and hope that it all carries over into the new year.
First, there are the people who have always been in my life...my family. They've been my rock. They're the ones I call and bitch about my life to, the ones I call when I'm having a mental breakdown and in tears from stress. There have been times that I thought I'd lost them, and they've caused me great stress, but they've brought me great happiness, which is something I wouldn't trade for the world.
Second, there are these friends that have been in my life, and no matter what I do, they just don't ever want to seem to leave! They make me laugh, they make me smile, they keep my spirits up. They're amazing, to say the least. Some of them I don't get to see as nearly as much as I'd like, but no matter what, we always kind a way to keep in touch, from a facebook message, to an im, to a text message. I love them more than words can say. And of course, there's my other 2/3, the other two Sherry's. Together, we make Sherry Cubed. And I don't think I could survive without them. Really.
But even though I'll always owe my life to my family and my friends, there's a certain group of friends I'm especially thankful for this year--these special boys that live down the hall. In just a matter of months, their apartment has become my second home (although technically it really WAS my second home, cuz I definitely lived in that apartment haha) and I've experienced many hours of entertainment from movies, to video games to general shenanigans. But most of all, they've been there for me, more than any guy friend I've ever had. When they first said they were going to come to my fall show, I was skeptical. But they were persistent and excited about it. As much as I wanted to be excited, I didn't think they'd be there. But when I looked out that night, there they were. Just for me. I felt so incredibly special, I'd never had guy friends not only come out to a show, but also be excited about it. To want to come. Ever. It was then that I knew these boys really, truly wanted to be friends. These boys have been there for me, supported me, come to my shows, been my shoulder to cry on. They've been awesome sledding partners, movie watchers, and conversationalists ; They even pushed my car down 5 flights in the parking garage to the tow truck when it was dead and picked me up from work when I was carless. I've never had guy friends that have put in just as much effort into a friendship...ever. They've become like my brothers and sometimes I tend to pull out the "mama hen" on them, but it's only because I care about them so much. I'm so honored to say that I'm friends with them, and I can't wait for the many more adventures that await in the coming months. I guess what I want to say is... thanks. You guys are nothing short of amazing. <3
And then there are those that I've slightly lost touch with, the friends I hope to spend more time with who I've drifted apart from, and those that are just blossoming. I know sometimes that school and work and other such obligations can consume a great portion of your time (I'm probably the guiltiest!) and sometimes we just don't have as much time for hanging out as possible. But, nonetheless, I haven't forgotten about any of you. I really hope to be able to spend more time with all of you, especially those that are graduating in the Spring.
Love you guys. ALL of you.
2008 has been a roller coaster of a ride, with plenty of thrills and chills. My heart has cried, broken, healed, and rejuvinated. I've learned more about myself and others around me, grown closer to some and drifted apart from some. I've been to places I'd never imagine I'd go to but suffered incredible losses at the same time. Overall, it's been an amazing ride, but after 365 days, I'm ready to get off. It's time to try out the newest thrill in town, 2009. Hop in, buckle up and let's hope for one hell of an amazing time!
Disclaimer: I've realized I write like a drunken, blabbering collegiate broad with emotional dribble when I get distracted and fill the void with "I love you so much"s and "amazing"s falling all over the place. I also develop a sudden loss of energy to go back and change the verbage. Unlike a drunken broad, however, I DO mean everything I said, I WILL remember what I wrote here... (and I wont be an STD grab bag when I wake up tomorrow)....I just wish I had worded it a little bit better. In any case, you all know what I mean...
One Love.
2009 is in like a lamb, here's to ringing it out like a lion in December. Cheers.
Tonight's blog title explains my new year. It's been a low key night, here by myself, watching TV and kicking back in my dad's recliner. At first I was a little bummed that I wasn't down on Church St. braving the cold and wind to hustle and bustle with the best of them, but the peace and quiet has been welcoming tonight, a nice change from all the rest of 2008. So, I've decided that I'll ring in 2009 like a lamb, here and quiet by myself, just reflecting on the past year.
It's been quite a whirlwind. As per usual, I can't remember much of the beginning. I rang in my 21st birthday this year, which also coincided with the Super Bowl. None the less, I spent my 21st birthday right in my second home, the theater. I had rehearsal for the Short Works Festival until 10pm that night, and then I crossed the street and cracked open my first legal beer with Laura in the neighborhood favorite bar, Mckees. Little did I know that this would become the home of many great hangouts, and long, serious conversations with friends, and of course, the first place to start off our Halloween celebration.
Most of the first months of 2008 were consumed with school, work, and extra curriculars of course. Some of my favorite memories include the Mox-Off 2008 with some Phoneathon favorites, Spring Meltdown, and watching the sunset down by the water front.
April brought about the end of school, and another first for me--my first year staying in Burlington for the summer. It was a change, but I knew it was necessary--not only for school and internships, but also mentally. It had been time for me to start breaking off from the homestead, and this was a good transition. It was a summer of internships, working at Blockbuster (which, secretly, has been a job I've wanted since I was a kid haha), and being able to roam about on my own, experience a legendary "Burlington Summer". If for nothing else, I loved it for the scenery. Burlington is beautiful, no matter what season you view it in.
The end of the summer brought about many, many changes, and a true experience I'll never forget for better or for worse. This was the beginning of the United Nations Project and a once in a lifetime opportunity to visit South Africa. For someone who had never been abroad in her life (save Canada, if that counts I guess.) this was such an amazing opportunity that I couldn't have been more thankful for. Little did I know, it was going to mean fighting with Residential Life about keeping my RA position, which ultimately did not happen. It meant changing my life around for this project, losing monies I would have received, and moving out of an apartment I had just lived in for the past 4 months or so. For someone who doesn't favor drastic change, this was a hard experience for me, but it was probably necessary. It taught me to never give up in what I believe in, to listen to my heart. My head told me to bow out and to keep what I already had, my heart told me to take this incredible opportunity.
...And it changed my life.
The fall brought new roommates, new living situations, new friends, new faces, new classes. The leaves proved for good photography, and taking my brother's senior portraits truly made it apparent that he's growing up from the exuberant, laughing, bouncy blonde haired little boy that I'd seen him as all along. Yet, it made me appreciate him even more.
Halloween made an appearance, filled with costumes and guest lecturing and friendly get-togethers. Soon the leaves fell and so did the snow, bringing along with it Thanksgiving and other related festivities. Christmas was small, but its one of the few times all 3 of us are together, and its something I cherish. And now, here I sit as the new year silently rolls in, with nothing but the sounds of Robin Spielberg's piano music to accompany me as I write this. I welcome it.
Wow, there were so many things I wanted to write here that I thought about prior to starting this. I had thought that save Africa, 2008 had been a pretty rough year with many tears and family drama. But on second glance, although it's been hard, each experience has helped me grow exponentially. Every tear cried is another layer of thicker skin, I guess. I've realized that my family really can survive just about anything. We've been through so much, and every time there's problems I fear the worst and wait for the day that it will completely shatter everything we've got. And yet, the day has never come *knock on wood*. We've gotten through it, worked through it. We've always survived.
And through everything, I've survived. There were times I thought I was down for the count, and wasn't sure how I was going to be able to hold on to what little sanity I had. And yet, here I am, still holding on to that same bit of sanity. Atleast, I think so, haha. Every year past has brought on more and more things to break me down, and I've survived. It really gives me hope for the future that I'll be fully prepared to shoot out of the college gates into life.
But the best thing about 2008 are the people that have come into my life or stayed with me in my life. I know most people say what they're Thankful for at Thanksgiving and such, but as the new year settles in, I want to remember what I'm most thankful for and hope that it all carries over into the new year.
First, there are the people who have always been in my life...my family. They've been my rock. They're the ones I call and bitch about my life to, the ones I call when I'm having a mental breakdown and in tears from stress. There have been times that I thought I'd lost them, and they've caused me great stress, but they've brought me great happiness, which is something I wouldn't trade for the world.
Second, there are these friends that have been in my life, and no matter what I do, they just don't ever want to seem to leave! They make me laugh, they make me smile, they keep my spirits up. They're amazing, to say the least. Some of them I don't get to see as nearly as much as I'd like, but no matter what, we always kind a way to keep in touch, from a facebook message, to an im, to a text message. I love them more than words can say. And of course, there's my other 2/3, the other two Sherry's. Together, we make Sherry Cubed. And I don't think I could survive without them. Really.
But even though I'll always owe my life to my family and my friends, there's a certain group of friends I'm especially thankful for this year--these special boys that live down the hall. In just a matter of months, their apartment has become my second home (although technically it really WAS my second home, cuz I definitely lived in that apartment haha) and I've experienced many hours of entertainment from movies, to video games to general shenanigans. But most of all, they've been there for me, more than any guy friend I've ever had. When they first said they were going to come to my fall show, I was skeptical. But they were persistent and excited about it. As much as I wanted to be excited, I didn't think they'd be there. But when I looked out that night, there they were. Just for me. I felt so incredibly special, I'd never had guy friends not only come out to a show, but also be excited about it. To want to come. Ever. It was then that I knew these boys really, truly wanted to be friends. These boys have been there for me, supported me, come to my shows, been my shoulder to cry on. They've been awesome sledding partners, movie watchers, and conversationalists ; They even pushed my car down 5 flights in the parking garage to the tow truck when it was dead and picked me up from work when I was carless. I've never had guy friends that have put in just as much effort into a friendship...ever. They've become like my brothers and sometimes I tend to pull out the "mama hen" on them, but it's only because I care about them so much. I'm so honored to say that I'm friends with them, and I can't wait for the many more adventures that await in the coming months. I guess what I want to say is... thanks. You guys are nothing short of amazing. <3
And then there are those that I've slightly lost touch with, the friends I hope to spend more time with who I've drifted apart from, and those that are just blossoming. I know sometimes that school and work and other such obligations can consume a great portion of your time (I'm probably the guiltiest!) and sometimes we just don't have as much time for hanging out as possible. But, nonetheless, I haven't forgotten about any of you. I really hope to be able to spend more time with all of you, especially those that are graduating in the Spring.
Love you guys. ALL of you.
2008 has been a roller coaster of a ride, with plenty of thrills and chills. My heart has cried, broken, healed, and rejuvinated. I've learned more about myself and others around me, grown closer to some and drifted apart from some. I've been to places I'd never imagine I'd go to but suffered incredible losses at the same time. Overall, it's been an amazing ride, but after 365 days, I'm ready to get off. It's time to try out the newest thrill in town, 2009. Hop in, buckle up and let's hope for one hell of an amazing time!
Disclaimer: I've realized I write like a drunken, blabbering collegiate broad with emotional dribble when I get distracted and fill the void with "I love you so much"s and "amazing"s falling all over the place. I also develop a sudden loss of energy to go back and change the verbage. Unlike a drunken broad, however, I DO mean everything I said, I WILL remember what I wrote here... (and I wont be an STD grab bag when I wake up tomorrow)....I just wish I had worded it a little bit better. In any case, you all know what I mean...
One Love.
2009 is in like a lamb, here's to ringing it out like a lion in December. Cheers.
Friday, August 22, 2008
We've Only Just Begun
I can't believe it. I'm laying here in bed; my bags are packed, carry on is ready, my camera batteries are charged, memory cards emptied, passport and other documentation stored away in a purse--but I still can't believe it.
In a few hours, I'll wake up. I still won't believe it.
In a few hours, I'll get ready to go--finish some final packing, get dressed, make some coffee, grab a light breakfast. But I still won't believe it.
In a few hours, I'll get picked up, driven to the airport, and board a plane en route to JFK to go to South Africa. Chances are, I still won't believe it.
It's only been a few weeks, but I feel like I've already been on a journey. I've challenged authority and fought for what I believe in, in hopes to retain the RA position. When it didn't work, I moved apartments. I finished my internship, as well as my online internship class, and as of last night I finally completed my other online class. On top of all that, I've gotten my passport and vaccinations. I'm lucky I still know where my head is at right now!
But, I've also been on another journey--an intellectual, mental and emotional journey. I've researched every piece of South Africa I could imagine--I'm familiar with everything from the culture to the history to the economic and political status. I've researched their problems, their struggles, both past and present. As a group, we've all discussed these all to quite an extent. We've pondered over unanswered questions, and found answers to questions which only lead to more. We've bounced around ideas, comments, concerns, questions, worries, fears, anxieties, hopes, dreams, plans, and information. We've spent hours upon hours upon hours submerging ourselves in the world of the United Nations and violence against women.
And yet, something tells me we've only just begun. There's only so much that you can read on paper, or on the internet. There's only so many Youtube videos you can watch about the land and its people. It isn't until you physically, emotionally, and mentally experience the world in person that you can begin to truly understand it.
In a few hours, we begin that process. What does it hold? Nobody knows. We've speculated, but none of us truly knows--and rightfully so. Yet, this leaves me a bit worried. I can only prepare myself so much mentally and emotionally, but will this be enough? Will I be able to handle the sights that will be before my eyes? Will I be able to comprehend all that unfurls before me? I don't know. In fact, I probably still won't know until I am laying in my bed the first night home, my mind swirling with images and memories from the trip.
I think it will be then, and only then, that I'll finally believe it.
I don't know what to expect, I don't know what will happen. But, I know one thing--in a few hours, it will all begin, whether I like it or not. Time to just jump in and take the plunge.
So with that, I sign off to get a few hours of sleep before the sun rises, signaling the beginning of the day, and of my journey--We may be half way there, but we've only just begun.
In a few hours, I'll wake up. I still won't believe it.
In a few hours, I'll get ready to go--finish some final packing, get dressed, make some coffee, grab a light breakfast. But I still won't believe it.
In a few hours, I'll get picked up, driven to the airport, and board a plane en route to JFK to go to South Africa. Chances are, I still won't believe it.
It's only been a few weeks, but I feel like I've already been on a journey. I've challenged authority and fought for what I believe in, in hopes to retain the RA position. When it didn't work, I moved apartments. I finished my internship, as well as my online internship class, and as of last night I finally completed my other online class. On top of all that, I've gotten my passport and vaccinations. I'm lucky I still know where my head is at right now!
But, I've also been on another journey--an intellectual, mental and emotional journey. I've researched every piece of South Africa I could imagine--I'm familiar with everything from the culture to the history to the economic and political status. I've researched their problems, their struggles, both past and present. As a group, we've all discussed these all to quite an extent. We've pondered over unanswered questions, and found answers to questions which only lead to more. We've bounced around ideas, comments, concerns, questions, worries, fears, anxieties, hopes, dreams, plans, and information. We've spent hours upon hours upon hours submerging ourselves in the world of the United Nations and violence against women.
And yet, something tells me we've only just begun. There's only so much that you can read on paper, or on the internet. There's only so many Youtube videos you can watch about the land and its people. It isn't until you physically, emotionally, and mentally experience the world in person that you can begin to truly understand it.
In a few hours, we begin that process. What does it hold? Nobody knows. We've speculated, but none of us truly knows--and rightfully so. Yet, this leaves me a bit worried. I can only prepare myself so much mentally and emotionally, but will this be enough? Will I be able to handle the sights that will be before my eyes? Will I be able to comprehend all that unfurls before me? I don't know. In fact, I probably still won't know until I am laying in my bed the first night home, my mind swirling with images and memories from the trip.
I think it will be then, and only then, that I'll finally believe it.
I don't know what to expect, I don't know what will happen. But, I know one thing--in a few hours, it will all begin, whether I like it or not. Time to just jump in and take the plunge.
So with that, I sign off to get a few hours of sleep before the sun rises, signaling the beginning of the day, and of my journey--We may be half way there, but we've only just begun.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Sunny Internship Skies Ahead
I think the internship sun has just emerged from beneath the clouds. Phone interview with Kelliher Samets Volk today. Seemed like it went well, I have an in-person interview on Tuesday at 9:30am. *prays*
I need this internship. It's basically my last chance.
Well, except for my interview with PIEmatrix tomorrow. BUT, I'm hoping for KSV.....
Dear Internship Gods,
Please give me this. Hard work and dedication sacrifice to be made in your honor. Thanks.
Hugs and Kisses,
me
I need this internship. It's basically my last chance.
Well, except for my interview with PIEmatrix tomorrow. BUT, I'm hoping for KSV.....
Dear Internship Gods,
Please give me this. Hard work and dedication sacrifice to be made in your honor. Thanks.
Hugs and Kisses,
me
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
The smell of summer is in the air
Forget a dozen roses; the key to my heart is definitely lilacs. I've always associated the start of summer with lilacs. I live for them. I just realized a few days ago that they've started to bloom, and can only squeal with excitement every time we drive by them. Today, as Amanda and I were leaving the library parking lot after running some errands on campus, I made her stop her truck and I barrel rolled out to grab a branch off of a nearby lilac bush. I spent the rest of the ride back to Spinner just smelling it over and over again.
The other day I was walking to the gym, just after sunset. Winooski was humming with excitement, and I couldn't help but smile as the sounds of laughter and distant barbecues drifted by me. But suddenly, a scent caught me off guard. It was refreshing, lovely. It was familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. But as I continued my trek, the scent continued, growing stronger, surrounding me with spring. Finally, as I approached the door, I looked over the the adjacent house and there was a bush of freshly blooming lilacs. It was a happy moment. :)
They're usually the first things that remind me that summer is officially on its way. Sometimes, I consider them the unsung flower heroes of the summer. They come in quietly, most times go unnoticed and quietly pass. Many people don't give them a passing glance, grouping them with other common bushes and shrubbery. But there's something magical about the way they can stop you in your tracks, even if you can't see them. You can't help but breathe a little deeper, absorbing all they have to offer. Sometimes, you don't give it another thought but for that one moment, they gave you a little bit of extra life within you.
They've always held a special place in my heart, not only for their external appeal but for the way they trigger so many memories within me, and I tend to have a horrible memory unless something triggers it. Growing up, we always had a long row of lilacs that grew along the edge of our property. I can still vividly remember how I would spend my afternoons releasing my inner tom boy, ripping down branches and cutting out small holes within the bushes to create forts within the lilacs; but at the end of the day, I would simply sit there and inhale deeply, breathing in the beautiful scent and thinking fun girly thoughts.
I remember when they would first begin to bloom, I would run out into the yard and begin to carefully tear the little branches, creating bouquets of lilacs. I spent day after day grabbing as many bunches as my little hands could hold and running into the house and filling every tiny drinking cup I had with water and placing them the flowers all over the house. I can even still remember the time my parents let me have some in my room. I placed a small cup on the windowsill with a single lilac branch. Every night I would open the window a crack and let the breeze waft the scent over me as I drifted off to sleep.
Then, one spring, a man came along and offered to buy some of the lilacs for a wedding. My parents agreed, and I can remember watching in horror from my bedroom window as he began to chop and butcher the bushes, collecting bucket after bucket of lilacs. I almost cried that day, convinced that they'd never grow back. A little pathetic, but hey, I was still a kid. It still falls under the cute realm. :)
Lilacs remind me of proms and prom season; for two years I remember watching the prom at the high school, wishing I was one of the lucky upperclassmen attending. Then, finally being able to attend my junior and senior years. Prom was special to me. For 364 days of that year, I was a tom boy. I hunted, I fished, I scaled archery courses, wrangled kids at the day care, and rolled with the punches, being the only female in the house. But for that one day, those few hours, I was able to dress up. I put aside the camo, weapons, and potty mouth; I was a woman. I was never really allowed to play dress up as a kid, to buy girly stuff. But for this one night, I could mimic all the Disney princesses I'd grown up watching. It was one of the few nights in my entire life that I'd ever felt truly pretty. I liked the way people looked at me, the way my family looked at me. The smiles I received. The way I was treated. As minuscule as it was to some people, its something I embraced and still cherish to this day.
And with one smell, that small flower brings back every emotion and every feeling. It's times like this that I wish they grew year round. There are some days that completely drain me to the last drop of energy, of happiness. And with one breath of lilacs, I could flash back to pure, summer happiness. True, uninhibited happiness. It's been a very long time since I've felt that way since.
Lilacs remind me of summer; of longer, warmer evenings. They bring back memories of running through the grass barefooted; of swinging from the maple trees and picking off the newly blossoming leaves. They meant being able to leave the house without a jacket on when heading to the bus stop in the mornings and opening the windows for that first gentle breeze. They signified cookouts and bonfires, late night family gatherings that made the neighborhood ring with laughter. They were the flowers I picked when I went on walks in the woods with my dad for just some "us" time. They were the reason I went through a brief "flower shop owner" stint in my ever evolving career aspirations. Sometimes, they acted as reminders that my brother's birthday was approaching on May 20th. They even meant graveside visits to relatives as we created bouquets to decorate the graves. They were forts, picture backdrops, hideaways, and "bases" for every childhood game we could dream up; they were decorations, retreats,and inspirations. When they bloomed, everyone had a renewed sense of life deep within their eyes, within their souls as if a new energy swam around them. In a household that always had a dreary and heavy cloud of worries and problems hanging over it, for a brief moment, they brought about the one thing I always prayed for for my family--love.
And now, as I spend my first summer in Burlington, away from my family, they signify home.
Overall, they symbolized life, in every sense of the word. They were new life, a splash of color variety among a palette of greens. They were energizing, uplifting. A subtle scent of beauty. And no matter how long or damaging the winter months were, they continued to grow, year after year relentlessly. They proved that no matter what, life could prevail. Just when it seemed like the winter months had you at the tip of their sword, ready to suffocate you with their never ending despair and desolation, a revitalizing breath was waiting. Life continues on, even when you begin to feel it never will. You can't always see it, and sometimes you forget its there. But you'll always find it. That renewed life will be there waiting. And sometimes, all it takes is a distant drifting reminder. For you, it may be something else.
For me, it's the lilacs.
They're life, they're love, they're beauty; they're a reminder that through every tribulation, happiness is right around the corner. They're a renewed sense of hope.
Sometimes, it's small things like that that keep me going from day to day, finding those simple joys of life that I truly enjoy.
The other day I was walking to the gym, just after sunset. Winooski was humming with excitement, and I couldn't help but smile as the sounds of laughter and distant barbecues drifted by me. But suddenly, a scent caught me off guard. It was refreshing, lovely. It was familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. But as I continued my trek, the scent continued, growing stronger, surrounding me with spring. Finally, as I approached the door, I looked over the the adjacent house and there was a bush of freshly blooming lilacs. It was a happy moment. :)
They're usually the first things that remind me that summer is officially on its way. Sometimes, I consider them the unsung flower heroes of the summer. They come in quietly, most times go unnoticed and quietly pass. Many people don't give them a passing glance, grouping them with other common bushes and shrubbery. But there's something magical about the way they can stop you in your tracks, even if you can't see them. You can't help but breathe a little deeper, absorbing all they have to offer. Sometimes, you don't give it another thought but for that one moment, they gave you a little bit of extra life within you.
They've always held a special place in my heart, not only for their external appeal but for the way they trigger so many memories within me, and I tend to have a horrible memory unless something triggers it. Growing up, we always had a long row of lilacs that grew along the edge of our property. I can still vividly remember how I would spend my afternoons releasing my inner tom boy, ripping down branches and cutting out small holes within the bushes to create forts within the lilacs; but at the end of the day, I would simply sit there and inhale deeply, breathing in the beautiful scent and thinking fun girly thoughts.
I remember when they would first begin to bloom, I would run out into the yard and begin to carefully tear the little branches, creating bouquets of lilacs. I spent day after day grabbing as many bunches as my little hands could hold and running into the house and filling every tiny drinking cup I had with water and placing them the flowers all over the house. I can even still remember the time my parents let me have some in my room. I placed a small cup on the windowsill with a single lilac branch. Every night I would open the window a crack and let the breeze waft the scent over me as I drifted off to sleep.
Then, one spring, a man came along and offered to buy some of the lilacs for a wedding. My parents agreed, and I can remember watching in horror from my bedroom window as he began to chop and butcher the bushes, collecting bucket after bucket of lilacs. I almost cried that day, convinced that they'd never grow back. A little pathetic, but hey, I was still a kid. It still falls under the cute realm. :)
Lilacs remind me of proms and prom season; for two years I remember watching the prom at the high school, wishing I was one of the lucky upperclassmen attending. Then, finally being able to attend my junior and senior years. Prom was special to me. For 364 days of that year, I was a tom boy. I hunted, I fished, I scaled archery courses, wrangled kids at the day care, and rolled with the punches, being the only female in the house. But for that one day, those few hours, I was able to dress up. I put aside the camo, weapons, and potty mouth; I was a woman. I was never really allowed to play dress up as a kid, to buy girly stuff. But for this one night, I could mimic all the Disney princesses I'd grown up watching. It was one of the few nights in my entire life that I'd ever felt truly pretty. I liked the way people looked at me, the way my family looked at me. The smiles I received. The way I was treated. As minuscule as it was to some people, its something I embraced and still cherish to this day.
And with one smell, that small flower brings back every emotion and every feeling. It's times like this that I wish they grew year round. There are some days that completely drain me to the last drop of energy, of happiness. And with one breath of lilacs, I could flash back to pure, summer happiness. True, uninhibited happiness. It's been a very long time since I've felt that way since.
Lilacs remind me of summer; of longer, warmer evenings. They bring back memories of running through the grass barefooted; of swinging from the maple trees and picking off the newly blossoming leaves. They meant being able to leave the house without a jacket on when heading to the bus stop in the mornings and opening the windows for that first gentle breeze. They signified cookouts and bonfires, late night family gatherings that made the neighborhood ring with laughter. They were the flowers I picked when I went on walks in the woods with my dad for just some "us" time. They were the reason I went through a brief "flower shop owner" stint in my ever evolving career aspirations. Sometimes, they acted as reminders that my brother's birthday was approaching on May 20th. They even meant graveside visits to relatives as we created bouquets to decorate the graves. They were forts, picture backdrops, hideaways, and "bases" for every childhood game we could dream up; they were decorations, retreats,and inspirations. When they bloomed, everyone had a renewed sense of life deep within their eyes, within their souls as if a new energy swam around them. In a household that always had a dreary and heavy cloud of worries and problems hanging over it, for a brief moment, they brought about the one thing I always prayed for for my family--love.
And now, as I spend my first summer in Burlington, away from my family, they signify home.
Overall, they symbolized life, in every sense of the word. They were new life, a splash of color variety among a palette of greens. They were energizing, uplifting. A subtle scent of beauty. And no matter how long or damaging the winter months were, they continued to grow, year after year relentlessly. They proved that no matter what, life could prevail. Just when it seemed like the winter months had you at the tip of their sword, ready to suffocate you with their never ending despair and desolation, a revitalizing breath was waiting. Life continues on, even when you begin to feel it never will. You can't always see it, and sometimes you forget its there. But you'll always find it. That renewed life will be there waiting. And sometimes, all it takes is a distant drifting reminder. For you, it may be something else.
For me, it's the lilacs.
They're life, they're love, they're beauty; they're a reminder that through every tribulation, happiness is right around the corner. They're a renewed sense of hope.
Sometimes, it's small things like that that keep me going from day to day, finding those simple joys of life that I truly enjoy.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
This One's A Little More Personal
This post is a little more personal to me. Instead of just chatting about the day's events ( there isn't much to report, anyway) I'd like to use this space to not only give you a small glimpse into my own life but also get something off my chest, something that's been bugging me for the past few hours.
First, a little back history without getting too detailed. It's a subject I rarely talk about; it's something that very personal and somewhat private to me. But I feel like you need some slight background just to understand the situation. I just ask one thing- don't judge me based on the information here. I've had people ask me, "How could you do that?" or "you shouldn't have taken the actions you did." I don't feel that anyone has the right to judge another person until they've lived through the situation. I'm not going into a great amount of detail, and I never will here. I don't even think some of my closest friends know everything that went on. So, I'm just asking that you read this with a neutral eye and know that the decisions I made in my past were well thought out decisions, and they happened for a reason. With that said, here goes.
My parents got divorced 7 years ago. It was an extremely messy divorce, to put it lightly. To make matters even more complicated, my brother and I haven't had a relationship with our mother for years now, our choice. When my parents separated, I went to live with my dad and my brother was forced to stay with my mom. It was probably the worst year of my life; I'd never been separated from him for more than a few days prior to that point. But after a year of fighting in court, my dad finally gained custody of him and he's lived with us ever since. From that point, we've never visited or really talked to our mother again.
So, ever since my brother was 9 or s0, I've been the only positive female influence in his life and probably the closest thing to a mother figure that he's ever had. I've loved every minute of it; I love watching him grow and learn and mature into the 16 year old man he is today. I've always watched over him;when we were kids, I was the one mouthing off to the playground kids who were calling him names, even if they were twice my size. When we grew up and were too old for the playground, I protected him from bigger matters. I always tried to make sure he was secure, healthy and happy, that he never missed out on any opportunity school or otherwise because of the situation we were in. Even now, I still call him and make sure everything is going okay, find out what's going on in his life, and of course, made sure he's getting his homework done. To put it bluntly, the kid is my life, hands down.
My mother writes an occasional letter from time to time to us; more so for control than for affection. Today, she wrote a letter to him, basically calling him a failure in life because of his current grades and his disinterest in higher education. She called him a failure. She said she was disappointed in him, that he wouldn't make anything of himself. Obviously, he was visibly upset over the words that had just been spat at him through this letter. When he told me about this, of course mama hen here was even more upset.
First off, I don't believe any mother has the right to call her son a failure. Ever. Especially a mother that hasn't talked to nor seen her son in 7 years. I think there's a definite line between a mother and a parent- the mother title is biologically yours; being called a "parent" is a different story-its more of a privilege. A conditional "right". It's yours until your actions cause you to lose it, at which point its never yours unless you earn it back. IF you earn it back.
In this case, she hasn't. Neither of us consider her a parent. She has no right to come in when she chooses to lecture my brother on his future, on his life, and she DEFINITELY has no right whatsoever to call him a failure. She doesn't know the first thing about his life- about his likes, dislikes, struggles, successes,setbacks, challenges, talents, or aspirations. She probably doesn't even know what he looks like. She has done nothing but caused turmoil and trauma in our lifes, and we've simply tried to move on, to get past everything. She's not invited to come into our lives and give her two cents whenever she chooses; it's not wanted and it never will be.
As you can probably tell, I was quite upset when I heard about all of this. I knew her words were carefully chosen, the perfect combinations to maximize the frustration and aggravation results. I've heard them before, I've been in his situation. If she wants to duel it out with me, that's one story. But attacking him- that's an entirely different battle. This kid has been through so much in his past lifetime that he's barely had a childhood. I've worked hard to comfort him and help him rebuild himself over the past few years, I will not let her shatter everything he's slowly put back together of his life with a few tainted words.
I tried to calm him down on the phone, reminding him that we have to use collect every stick in the road and use it as fuel to keep the fire inside of us burning, to never let things like this smother our hopes and dreams; that shouting a nasty words or throwing out some low-blow name calling will not solve the problem at hand. If anything, it's surrendering the fight. It's exactly what she wants.
But I could just see the light inside of him dimming. He's been told he can't all his life, when he's just needed a few people to stand there and push him along, to encourage him to keep going- he's capable of great things. Instead, with a few degrading words, the sounds of support that once rang through his heart were muffled. Only one word was playing through his mind: failure.
While his grades have always been a struggle, he's been far from a failure. His work ethic, aspirations, and passion for the outdoors far surpass his academics. He's always struggled through school, but he's never been dumb. Ask him how any question related to the outdoors, and he can probably talk your ear off for 5 minutes, providing you with information, fun facts, and catch and release techniques. He struggled with history in school, but ask him about history, engage him in conversation about the wars-the kid knows his stuff. Academics have never been his forte, but street smarts and "real world knowledge" are.
And he's probably been working just as long as I have, since he was in 6th grade, if not before. He's always worked hard, earned every penny of his money. Over this past summer, this 16 year old boy worked more hours than most full grown adults do, sometimes putting in a 50, 60+ hour work week. It wasn't any desk job, either. He did full out manual labor, apprenticing for a family friend who does carpentry and other related services. And even after all the time he spent working, he still found time (and energy) to spend time outdoors.
To top it all off, I know he's got aspirations for his future. I've listened to them over the years. They've ranged from opening his own business to owning a hunting and fishing guide service, to forestry, and his most recent one- going into the service. He even discussed joining a special section of the armed forces dedicated to search and rescue. I gained a great deal of respect for him when he made that decision for after graduation, even though deep in my heart I don't want him to go. When I graduated, I couldn't even decide where I wanted to go to college- I switched my schools before I even stepped foot on campus, and then still ended up transferring from there. I even changed majors a few times. I had no idea what I wanted to do- I still don't have any definite plans for after graduation. And here is this kid, who'll be turning 17 in a few days, who has his future planned out and is ready to make that commitment to the service. Even though I'll always see him as my baby brother, he's turned into a man in every sense of the word.
And if it takes every ounce of my being, I won't let anyone stand in between him and his dreams. Nobody will call him a failure. Ever.
He's never been one, and he never will be. The only thing he's ever needed is support, someone to let him know that the critics are wrong- he can do it.
And when he does, the rewards will feel that much more sweeter.
My two goals in life are simple: be a mom, and see my brother succeed in every one of his dreams. I'll do whatever it takes to help him reach those successes and shatter "failure" in every sense of the word. Period.
Sorry that was more of a rant, but thanks for reading. In closing, don't call anyone a failure simply because they don't get the best grades or they lack higher schooling. If you do, you're also calling all of these people failures....
http://www.angelfire.com/stars4/lists/dropouts.html
Think about it that way next time.
First, a little back history without getting too detailed. It's a subject I rarely talk about; it's something that very personal and somewhat private to me. But I feel like you need some slight background just to understand the situation. I just ask one thing- don't judge me based on the information here. I've had people ask me, "How could you do that?" or "you shouldn't have taken the actions you did." I don't feel that anyone has the right to judge another person until they've lived through the situation. I'm not going into a great amount of detail, and I never will here. I don't even think some of my closest friends know everything that went on. So, I'm just asking that you read this with a neutral eye and know that the decisions I made in my past were well thought out decisions, and they happened for a reason. With that said, here goes.
My parents got divorced 7 years ago. It was an extremely messy divorce, to put it lightly. To make matters even more complicated, my brother and I haven't had a relationship with our mother for years now, our choice. When my parents separated, I went to live with my dad and my brother was forced to stay with my mom. It was probably the worst year of my life; I'd never been separated from him for more than a few days prior to that point. But after a year of fighting in court, my dad finally gained custody of him and he's lived with us ever since. From that point, we've never visited or really talked to our mother again.
So, ever since my brother was 9 or s0, I've been the only positive female influence in his life and probably the closest thing to a mother figure that he's ever had. I've loved every minute of it; I love watching him grow and learn and mature into the 16 year old man he is today. I've always watched over him;when we were kids, I was the one mouthing off to the playground kids who were calling him names, even if they were twice my size. When we grew up and were too old for the playground, I protected him from bigger matters. I always tried to make sure he was secure, healthy and happy, that he never missed out on any opportunity school or otherwise because of the situation we were in. Even now, I still call him and make sure everything is going okay, find out what's going on in his life, and of course, made sure he's getting his homework done. To put it bluntly, the kid is my life, hands down.
My mother writes an occasional letter from time to time to us; more so for control than for affection. Today, she wrote a letter to him, basically calling him a failure in life because of his current grades and his disinterest in higher education. She called him a failure. She said she was disappointed in him, that he wouldn't make anything of himself. Obviously, he was visibly upset over the words that had just been spat at him through this letter. When he told me about this, of course mama hen here was even more upset.
First off, I don't believe any mother has the right to call her son a failure. Ever. Especially a mother that hasn't talked to nor seen her son in 7 years. I think there's a definite line between a mother and a parent- the mother title is biologically yours; being called a "parent" is a different story-its more of a privilege. A conditional "right". It's yours until your actions cause you to lose it, at which point its never yours unless you earn it back. IF you earn it back.
In this case, she hasn't. Neither of us consider her a parent. She has no right to come in when she chooses to lecture my brother on his future, on his life, and she DEFINITELY has no right whatsoever to call him a failure. She doesn't know the first thing about his life- about his likes, dislikes, struggles, successes,setbacks, challenges, talents, or aspirations. She probably doesn't even know what he looks like. She has done nothing but caused turmoil and trauma in our lifes, and we've simply tried to move on, to get past everything. She's not invited to come into our lives and give her two cents whenever she chooses; it's not wanted and it never will be.
As you can probably tell, I was quite upset when I heard about all of this. I knew her words were carefully chosen, the perfect combinations to maximize the frustration and aggravation results. I've heard them before, I've been in his situation. If she wants to duel it out with me, that's one story. But attacking him- that's an entirely different battle. This kid has been through so much in his past lifetime that he's barely had a childhood. I've worked hard to comfort him and help him rebuild himself over the past few years, I will not let her shatter everything he's slowly put back together of his life with a few tainted words.
I tried to calm him down on the phone, reminding him that we have to use collect every stick in the road and use it as fuel to keep the fire inside of us burning, to never let things like this smother our hopes and dreams; that shouting a nasty words or throwing out some low-blow name calling will not solve the problem at hand. If anything, it's surrendering the fight. It's exactly what she wants.
But I could just see the light inside of him dimming. He's been told he can't all his life, when he's just needed a few people to stand there and push him along, to encourage him to keep going- he's capable of great things. Instead, with a few degrading words, the sounds of support that once rang through his heart were muffled. Only one word was playing through his mind: failure.
While his grades have always been a struggle, he's been far from a failure. His work ethic, aspirations, and passion for the outdoors far surpass his academics. He's always struggled through school, but he's never been dumb. Ask him how any question related to the outdoors, and he can probably talk your ear off for 5 minutes, providing you with information, fun facts, and catch and release techniques. He struggled with history in school, but ask him about history, engage him in conversation about the wars-the kid knows his stuff. Academics have never been his forte, but street smarts and "real world knowledge" are.
And he's probably been working just as long as I have, since he was in 6th grade, if not before. He's always worked hard, earned every penny of his money. Over this past summer, this 16 year old boy worked more hours than most full grown adults do, sometimes putting in a 50, 60+ hour work week. It wasn't any desk job, either. He did full out manual labor, apprenticing for a family friend who does carpentry and other related services. And even after all the time he spent working, he still found time (and energy) to spend time outdoors.
To top it all off, I know he's got aspirations for his future. I've listened to them over the years. They've ranged from opening his own business to owning a hunting and fishing guide service, to forestry, and his most recent one- going into the service. He even discussed joining a special section of the armed forces dedicated to search and rescue. I gained a great deal of respect for him when he made that decision for after graduation, even though deep in my heart I don't want him to go. When I graduated, I couldn't even decide where I wanted to go to college- I switched my schools before I even stepped foot on campus, and then still ended up transferring from there. I even changed majors a few times. I had no idea what I wanted to do- I still don't have any definite plans for after graduation. And here is this kid, who'll be turning 17 in a few days, who has his future planned out and is ready to make that commitment to the service. Even though I'll always see him as my baby brother, he's turned into a man in every sense of the word.
And if it takes every ounce of my being, I won't let anyone stand in between him and his dreams. Nobody will call him a failure. Ever.
He's never been one, and he never will be. The only thing he's ever needed is support, someone to let him know that the critics are wrong- he can do it.
And when he does, the rewards will feel that much more sweeter.
My two goals in life are simple: be a mom, and see my brother succeed in every one of his dreams. I'll do whatever it takes to help him reach those successes and shatter "failure" in every sense of the word. Period.
Sorry that was more of a rant, but thanks for reading. In closing, don't call anyone a failure simply because they don't get the best grades or they lack higher schooling. If you do, you're also calling all of these people failures....
http://www.angelfire.com/stars4/lists/dropouts.html
Think about it that way next time.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Make Room In the Bandwagon...
Make room in the bandwagon, I finally gave in and created a blog. I didn't do it though, just to ride the blog craze. I've actually been thinking about it for quite some time. I've been LJ'ing for quite some time, but I tend to use that for more personal thoughts, feelings, and writing. It's not an address I like to give out to the casual blog reader, I keep it more for me and my close circle of friends already on LJ. But, I enjoy going back and reading previous entries from years ago to see what I was doing, how I thought back then.
I thought this blog would be a good way to:
a) help me remember what I did over the next year or so. Not only because I have a horrible time remembering things (ask my friends, they'll attest to this.) but also because this year marks a handful of firsts for me. This year for the first time:
1) I'll have 2 roommates I don't know. ( first time since freshan year.)
2) be an RA.
3) live away from home for the summer in Burlington.
4) marketing internship this summer.
And, next year at this time, I'll hopefully be able to look back and read about all the things I've done and actually remember some things. God, I hate this flaw, seriously.
Also, I realized lately that I don't write anymore- at all. There are a few scattered poems, stories, and reflections in my LJ, but not nearly as much as I used to have in high school. Hopefully, forcing myself to write in this blog regularly will stir up the creative juices within me and I'll rile up some inspiration.
I also hope it will indirectly help people get to know me better. It's pretty hard for me to divulge my true personality to people other than my close friends, and I don't really talk about myself unless you ask me. And, if I feel like you're not really interested, I'll close right back up. It's just how I am. But, a journal allows me to open myself up slightly without having to worry about the reader's attention span. If you're interested, you'll read it. If not, you won't. There's no hurt inflicted on me.
Lastly, it allows me to collect my thoughts and put them down in an organized manner. My continuous goal in life is to truly discover who I am, and what I'm about. Placing my thoughts down on electronic "paper" and reading them later with a fresh eye allows me to get a better understanding of myself. Sometimes I see things in a new light or from a different perspective. I'm able to analyze situations and the actions I took. I've discovered new things about myself; new likes, dislikes, personality quirks, pet peeves, aspirations, challenges, successes, failures, and just overall qualities that make up Me.
So, with all of that said, here's the maiden voyage on the ship of perpetual reflection...all aboard...
It's May 1st. Well, since its 2:30am, May 2nd. But for all intents and purposes ( and since I haven't gone to bed yet) it's the very first day of May. What better day to start a blog?May signifies the starting gates for summer, rejuvenation of life, and the end of April showers and beginning of May flowers. Well, hopefully.
It also marks a week since I've been officially finished with school for the summer. It was a haul; the last week I think I spent every night in the lab either editing video or swimming in InDesign for a magazine re-design. But, it was worth every hour of work when the final products were finished. And, now that I'm finished, I'm in what I call the "floating stage."
For someone who's had a constant job since she was 12 years old, it feels weird not to have a job right now. I never realized how much I worked until I spent the last week sitting here without a job. But, despite my work history, the job application process is a new thing to me, sad to say. I've always gotten my jobs through word of mouth, or through a family/friend connection. Except for working at the daycare, I've known all my bosses before they actually became my boss, too. My first job as a camp counselor in 6th grade was for the middle school I was attending; in a school of 200 kids, every teacher and faculty knows you pretty well. For 2.5 years after that I worked for the local full service gas station that my family had been going to for years. The boss remembered me from when I was just knee high to a grasshopper. Then, after that I found out about the daycare position through a friend who had been working there, who's aunt was also the assistant director there. Easy peasy. I got a temp job as an elf at the mall (yeah, I was an elf. =D ) through the parents of one of the children at the daycare. The mother worked at a photography studio in the area, so I had a few small things through her as well. Then, I worked off and on for my dad at his insurance agency as well as a painter for one of his clients (and a good hunting buddy of the family). And, one of my dad's old flames asked me if I wanted my most recent job last summer. She was also, coincidently, the boss. Sounds like a potential awkward situation, but really, everything was fine.
The only job I did have to apply to was for my school position as Phoneathon ambassador. But, I don't really consider this a "real" application process, really. Wow, and now that you pretty much know my entire employment history, let's move on...
So, needless to say, this is my first time "blindly" applying to corporate and retail job positions. It's also put me in the same boat for internships. Submitting cover letters and resumes, not knowing the people I'm contacting for job positions, playing the waiting game to hear back from employers- all new to me, unfortunately. I've applied to Blockbuster in 3 locations, as well as e-mailed about the availability of a few on campus jobs and one Final Cut Pro job. Not sure if I have enough experience for what they were looking for, though. I've submitted applications to two internship places and interviewed from one, but still waiting to hear back from both businesses.
The sticky part of the situation is that one internship, if I was hired, would be a full time, paid internship. Therefore, eliminating the need for a job. But, I can't put all my eggs in one basket, so I'm applying to other, non-paying internships. This means I'd need a job, as well-one that was flexible with my internship hours. And to top it all off, as the start date for the internship class approaches, I've learned one thing- you need to start this damned process much earlier than this.
*facedesk*. Live and learn, I guess. I'll just keep applying to jobs and internships...one of them has got to get back to me eventually, right? I hope so.
When not submitting applications, resumes, and cover letters, I've been working on some housekeeping issues, tying up loose ends here and there for the school year, and getting my financial aid in place. I also registered for the internship class, and discovered that I was eligible for financial aid if I enrolled in one more. So, this summer will consist of Interning AND Critical Thinking. whoo. After last summer's experience with online classes, I refused to take a history. If you are not a fan of history (like me) you definitely won't be a fan of taking it online.
Staying here for the summer also means that Amanda and I need to move into our apartment for next fall on Saturday. We've been working hard on packing up all of our junk, which is a considerable amount- after you've lived in Spinner in for two years, you collect quite a bit. Plus, when you move stuff and pack it up, you fully realize how much you NEED to clean. I'm sure much more of this will happen tomorrow and Saturday when we can move some of our stuff over to the new apartment, but we've gotten a head start on it.
I'm considering this a fresh start. Condensing all of my stuff into boxes and storage bins gives me a fresh new canvas to work with. And, after living here for 2 years, this year will be the first time I've had a different room. Even though I've lived in 2 separate apartments, I've always had the same letter room, meaning the exact same layout. And, the way it's designed, the re-arranging possibilities are very slim to none. I'm excited to be able to actually MOVE the furniture around this year.
I'm hoping the summer will give me enough time to truly refine my organizational skills. I worked on it this year, although its admittedly still pretty poor. My Myers-Briggs test was right- I enjoy being organized, even though I rarely am. It's why I've always enjoyed the first two weeks of school- my organizational systems are still in place. After that, you're lucky if you can find my desk amongst the clutter. But, this year I feel its especially important, not only because of the RA position but also for my mental sanity. I'll be juggling my school work, the RA position, maybe a second job on campus, as well as extra curricular activities such as the improv troupe and Champlain theater. If I'm not organized, I don't know where I'm supposed to be from day to day. Look at my calendar, you'll understand. Really. But, I'm already coming up with fun things that will keep me organized next year-ideally. I want to invest in some dry erase or chalkboard paint (yeah, they actually have these!) to create my assignment squares and a memo board for myself. As I said before, I have a horrible memory problem. If I don't write it down, chances are I'll forget it in the next few hours. This will help me keep my assignments on track, as well as long term assignments and upcoming events/activities/rehearsals and whatnot. I want to get more plastic drawers for under the bed and under the desk storage for my increasing art supplies collection. This will get it out of my way AND keep it organized. I also want to get a bulletin board for all of the nic nacs and other personal items I collect over the year. In the past, I've just tacked or taped them to the wall, and towards the end of the year it just becomes a scattered eclectic mess. My theory is, if the entire space around me is organized, then it will encourage me to be too. This means a unified AND organized design scheme, as well. We'll see how it all goes though. Like I said- come looking for my desk after the first two weeks of school to test out the system.
Wow, it's 3:30am. This has been a long post. They probably all won't be this long. A) I won't have as much to say and B) I won't have the time to write all this. But, I want to work hard to maintain this. I'll be thankful later, I know it. So, I'll close today with a quote from C.S. Lewis:
"Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement."
I'll take this as every rejected or ignored job/internship application means that the big'un is just waiting around the corner.....I hope! Eeks, wish me luck.
P.s. the domain name will probably change as soon as I think of something better. Stay tuned.
I thought this blog would be a good way to:
a) help me remember what I did over the next year or so. Not only because I have a horrible time remembering things (ask my friends, they'll attest to this.) but also because this year marks a handful of firsts for me. This year for the first time:
1) I'll have 2 roommates I don't know. ( first time since freshan year.)
2) be an RA.
3) live away from home for the summer in Burlington.
4) marketing internship this summer.
And, next year at this time, I'll hopefully be able to look back and read about all the things I've done and actually remember some things. God, I hate this flaw, seriously.
Also, I realized lately that I don't write anymore- at all. There are a few scattered poems, stories, and reflections in my LJ, but not nearly as much as I used to have in high school. Hopefully, forcing myself to write in this blog regularly will stir up the creative juices within me and I'll rile up some inspiration.
I also hope it will indirectly help people get to know me better. It's pretty hard for me to divulge my true personality to people other than my close friends, and I don't really talk about myself unless you ask me. And, if I feel like you're not really interested, I'll close right back up. It's just how I am. But, a journal allows me to open myself up slightly without having to worry about the reader's attention span. If you're interested, you'll read it. If not, you won't. There's no hurt inflicted on me.
Lastly, it allows me to collect my thoughts and put them down in an organized manner. My continuous goal in life is to truly discover who I am, and what I'm about. Placing my thoughts down on electronic "paper" and reading them later with a fresh eye allows me to get a better understanding of myself. Sometimes I see things in a new light or from a different perspective. I'm able to analyze situations and the actions I took. I've discovered new things about myself; new likes, dislikes, personality quirks, pet peeves, aspirations, challenges, successes, failures, and just overall qualities that make up Me.
So, with all of that said, here's the maiden voyage on the ship of perpetual reflection...all aboard...
It's May 1st. Well, since its 2:30am, May 2nd. But for all intents and purposes ( and since I haven't gone to bed yet) it's the very first day of May. What better day to start a blog?May signifies the starting gates for summer, rejuvenation of life, and the end of April showers and beginning of May flowers. Well, hopefully.
It also marks a week since I've been officially finished with school for the summer. It was a haul; the last week I think I spent every night in the lab either editing video or swimming in InDesign for a magazine re-design. But, it was worth every hour of work when the final products were finished. And, now that I'm finished, I'm in what I call the "floating stage."
For someone who's had a constant job since she was 12 years old, it feels weird not to have a job right now. I never realized how much I worked until I spent the last week sitting here without a job. But, despite my work history, the job application process is a new thing to me, sad to say. I've always gotten my jobs through word of mouth, or through a family/friend connection. Except for working at the daycare, I've known all my bosses before they actually became my boss, too. My first job as a camp counselor in 6th grade was for the middle school I was attending; in a school of 200 kids, every teacher and faculty knows you pretty well. For 2.5 years after that I worked for the local full service gas station that my family had been going to for years. The boss remembered me from when I was just knee high to a grasshopper. Then, after that I found out about the daycare position through a friend who had been working there, who's aunt was also the assistant director there. Easy peasy. I got a temp job as an elf at the mall (yeah, I was an elf. =D ) through the parents of one of the children at the daycare. The mother worked at a photography studio in the area, so I had a few small things through her as well. Then, I worked off and on for my dad at his insurance agency as well as a painter for one of his clients (and a good hunting buddy of the family). And, one of my dad's old flames asked me if I wanted my most recent job last summer. She was also, coincidently, the boss. Sounds like a potential awkward situation, but really, everything was fine.
The only job I did have to apply to was for my school position as Phoneathon ambassador. But, I don't really consider this a "real" application process, really. Wow, and now that you pretty much know my entire employment history, let's move on...
So, needless to say, this is my first time "blindly" applying to corporate and retail job positions. It's also put me in the same boat for internships. Submitting cover letters and resumes, not knowing the people I'm contacting for job positions, playing the waiting game to hear back from employers- all new to me, unfortunately. I've applied to Blockbuster in 3 locations, as well as e-mailed about the availability of a few on campus jobs and one Final Cut Pro job. Not sure if I have enough experience for what they were looking for, though. I've submitted applications to two internship places and interviewed from one, but still waiting to hear back from both businesses.
The sticky part of the situation is that one internship, if I was hired, would be a full time, paid internship. Therefore, eliminating the need for a job. But, I can't put all my eggs in one basket, so I'm applying to other, non-paying internships. This means I'd need a job, as well-one that was flexible with my internship hours. And to top it all off, as the start date for the internship class approaches, I've learned one thing- you need to start this damned process much earlier than this.
*facedesk*. Live and learn, I guess. I'll just keep applying to jobs and internships...one of them has got to get back to me eventually, right? I hope so.
When not submitting applications, resumes, and cover letters, I've been working on some housekeeping issues, tying up loose ends here and there for the school year, and getting my financial aid in place. I also registered for the internship class, and discovered that I was eligible for financial aid if I enrolled in one more. So, this summer will consist of Interning AND Critical Thinking. whoo. After last summer's experience with online classes, I refused to take a history. If you are not a fan of history (like me) you definitely won't be a fan of taking it online.
Staying here for the summer also means that Amanda and I need to move into our apartment for next fall on Saturday. We've been working hard on packing up all of our junk, which is a considerable amount- after you've lived in Spinner in for two years, you collect quite a bit. Plus, when you move stuff and pack it up, you fully realize how much you NEED to clean. I'm sure much more of this will happen tomorrow and Saturday when we can move some of our stuff over to the new apartment, but we've gotten a head start on it.
I'm considering this a fresh start. Condensing all of my stuff into boxes and storage bins gives me a fresh new canvas to work with. And, after living here for 2 years, this year will be the first time I've had a different room. Even though I've lived in 2 separate apartments, I've always had the same letter room, meaning the exact same layout. And, the way it's designed, the re-arranging possibilities are very slim to none. I'm excited to be able to actually MOVE the furniture around this year.
I'm hoping the summer will give me enough time to truly refine my organizational skills. I worked on it this year, although its admittedly still pretty poor. My Myers-Briggs test was right- I enjoy being organized, even though I rarely am. It's why I've always enjoyed the first two weeks of school- my organizational systems are still in place. After that, you're lucky if you can find my desk amongst the clutter. But, this year I feel its especially important, not only because of the RA position but also for my mental sanity. I'll be juggling my school work, the RA position, maybe a second job on campus, as well as extra curricular activities such as the improv troupe and Champlain theater. If I'm not organized, I don't know where I'm supposed to be from day to day. Look at my calendar, you'll understand. Really. But, I'm already coming up with fun things that will keep me organized next year-ideally. I want to invest in some dry erase or chalkboard paint (yeah, they actually have these!) to create my assignment squares and a memo board for myself. As I said before, I have a horrible memory problem. If I don't write it down, chances are I'll forget it in the next few hours. This will help me keep my assignments on track, as well as long term assignments and upcoming events/activities/rehearsals and whatnot. I want to get more plastic drawers for under the bed and under the desk storage for my increasing art supplies collection. This will get it out of my way AND keep it organized. I also want to get a bulletin board for all of the nic nacs and other personal items I collect over the year. In the past, I've just tacked or taped them to the wall, and towards the end of the year it just becomes a scattered eclectic mess. My theory is, if the entire space around me is organized, then it will encourage me to be too. This means a unified AND organized design scheme, as well. We'll see how it all goes though. Like I said- come looking for my desk after the first two weeks of school to test out the system.
Wow, it's 3:30am. This has been a long post. They probably all won't be this long. A) I won't have as much to say and B) I won't have the time to write all this. But, I want to work hard to maintain this. I'll be thankful later, I know it. So, I'll close today with a quote from C.S. Lewis:
"Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement."
I'll take this as every rejected or ignored job/internship application means that the big'un is just waiting around the corner.....I hope! Eeks, wish me luck.
P.s. the domain name will probably change as soon as I think of something better. Stay tuned.
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