Movin' On...Up?

After meeting with housing on Friday, it looks as though Amanda and I will be able to move into the same apartment, apartment 516. The woman in charge e-mailed one girl who is living there currently (who had expressed an interest earlier in moving) to see if she was still interested in moving. She heard a response back that she did still want to move, so it looks like that space will be available. Unfortunately we can't move until everything is official and the other girl has officially "confirmed" it and selected a new room to live in. She could change her mind after seeing the room choices available, in which case Amanda and I would be split up into different apartments. But, I don't think this will be the case.

Still, this SUCKS, to put it mildly. Just when we had gotten settled in, we have to uproot again and shift down the hall. That means repacking, re-painting the walls, painting the NEW walls, and unpacking. It'll be a long process that all has to be completed this week on top of working for the EMC, homework, and Blockbuster. Though, I know I will feel a huge relief once this entire ordeal is over and I can move on with things.

I know I probably shouldn't feel like this, but I can't help feeling betrayed slightly by Champlain College. 2 years ago, I looked to this college as my doorway to freedom. I was at Lyndon State before, and I felt there was nothing there for me. There were no opportunities, no room for growth. I saw myself sitting stagnant for the rest of my college career, and knew I would leave feeling unfulfilled. It wasn't something I wanted. But, when I found Champlain, their motto stuck with me "boundless opportunities." It's even reiterated by the college Philosophy:

"The primary mission of Champlain College is to prepare students for successful careers by creating a physical and intellectual environment in which they have freedom to grow and are challenged to realize their full potential. While special emphasis is placed on the development of professional competence, the following are also seen as essential components of the College’s responsibility to its students: to inform and stimulate the mind; to develop character, personality and ethical conduct; and to provide creative outlets through supervised extracurricular activities.

Therefore, the College is dedicated to providing Champlain students with a variety of educational experiences that will encourage them to develop as individuals, to foster understanding and appreciation of all people, and to gain career skills that will allow them to contribute to the professional and personal environments in which they live." (http://www.champlain.edu/about/philosophy.php)

It's even stated in the first sentence that they create an environment "in which [students] have freedom to grow and are challenged to realize their full potential."

But how can a student be offered the full freedom to grow and realize their full potential if they're stifled by a college unwilling to compromise or work with a student who wants to take advantage of every opportunity available? This college wants to produce successful, involved, passionate and educated students; yet they're unwilling to help the students who have those qualities.

I considered myself to be one of those students. I'm a double major with a 3.88 GPA, and not only am I involved with a variety of on campus activities and organizations, but I've taken steps to create my own when the college lacked such resources. But most of all, I had a deep passion for this college and for what it stood for. I wanted nothing more than to give back and become a part of Champlain more than I already was.

So, it goes without saying that I was completely estatic when this United Nations project came along. I considered it a double whammy for the college, not only being able to give back to other students through the resident assistant job, but to also work on this amazing project and develop some amazing and positive PR for Champlain.

And then I ran into this whole mess. But what surprised me the most was the amount of resistance the college put up. In no way were they willing to work with me to develop a solution or a compromise when both of these opportunities conflicted. And, after everything I had done to be a part of this campus, none of it mattered. Even when I pointed out the discrepancies for the training for fall versus spring RAs, it meant nothing. Nobody said, " let's try and work this out." People said, "yes, you have a point," but nothing was done. And, I don't think anything will change.

And to make matters worse, this housing issue was more struggle, more hassle. Others could be consolidated and moved at housing selection, this girl in the other apartment could be asked to move and transfer students could be shuffled around, but there was no way to allow us to stay in our apartment? It was a "philosophical" decision of the department. So, the two students that aren't here yet will remain residents in the apartment while the two that are here (and have been for four months), completely moved in, decorated, and have mail sent to this apartment now need to completely uproot and shuffle down the hall in a few days. And, the college will also have to arrange and pay to have the apartment cleaned again before the new RAs arrive to take our place.

Sometimes, I just don't understand it. I really don't. Here are students that are looking to grow, looking to achieve success in every sense of the word; students who have reached out to the student body and to the community, who have spent their free time trying to make their residence hall and college a better place. Here are students willing to put forth as much effort needed to perform every job.duty, and role to the best of their abilities, and they're met with nothing but resistance from a place that supposedly strives to foster an environment for growth and for students to "realize their full potential".

With that said, I'm still thankful for the wonderful education and the opportunities that have been presented to me, and I'm still very dedicated. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be involved at all. But I can't help but feel a twinge of resentment for this entire predicament and it's discouraged me from being as involved as I initially wanted to be. Instead, it says to me "be involved, but don't try and put yourself out there too much. If you do, you'll have nothing but problems." Be involved just enough to feel fulfilled, but don't grow any further unless you want stress and disappointment.

So, as this whole ordeal comes to a close, I just hope the college will realize how much stress and disappointment this has caused for not only Amanda and I, but for others around us. It's changed the views on the college for many people, and not in a good way. I only hope that this will cause the college to go back and reevaluate procedures, rethink the way it handles situations like these. I hope they especially make changes to the RA training procedures. If all of the 2 week training in the fall is vital for all the RAs to be properly trained, than there is no way that 2 days of training in the spring can possibly turn out properly trained RAs. And, if those RAs are not properly trained, you are now endangering the lives of all the students they're supervising should a crisis occur. If you were worried about us being under trained by missing a few days of training, then this scenario shouldn't cause you any less concern. If the same training could have been received, then what does it boil down to? that we're missing move in weekend? So, because we wouldn't be there to greet the students and facilitate a meeting, there were no alternatives to make that up? Because we'd be missing a weekend, its reason to take away at least a semester's worth of RA duties? I think there's some thinking that needs to be done.

Either way, things are over and done with. There's no going back. And personally, for me, there's no going forward on that road again. Instead, I'm going to take different paths to reach the same destination. I'm going to focus my efforts on the project, and then I'm going to examine other leadership positions such as orientation leader or peer advisor. While I'm sad I'm losing this leadership position and disappointing all those that looked for me to be in that position, I know there are other ways to be a leader on this campus and in this community and I'll seek those out.

So, this will be the last time I blog about this topic. I'm finished, moving on. No need to drag out the negatives when I have such great positives sitting here to be blogged about. I just wanted to sum up my final thoughts on the subject now that some of the initial emotion has died out. It's a sad loss either way, but I'm willing to move on and not dwell in the past. I thank all those that have offered their support and advice through this whole thing, and to those who really understood the tremendous amount of stress this has caused me. Now, I look forward to moving forward with the United Nations project and putting this all behind me.

Oh, and one last tidbit before I sign off that I've been repeatedly forgetting to mention in here: How cool is it that three Windsor High School grads are working on this? Umm, pretty cool in my book! And, on top of that, we all have blogs! You can follow myself, Amanda Jones, and Bryan Hare on this project.

This post has become much, much longer than I intended, and I can only help but quote my friend Shakespeare (Bryan will appreciate the humor in this) from Hamlet, where his character Polonious says, "Brevity is the soul of wit...so I'll be brief."

Haha, theater nerd joke. Love it. Good night!

Catch the Wave

I went to the first meeting for the United Nations Project today and it completely opened my eyes to all of this.

Blew me away.

It was incredible to read about the scope and potential of this project, and to listen to those in charge of it talk about it. It was obvious that each adviser was equally as passionate about this project, and each one brings a different but equally beneficial area of expertise.

What also struck me was the incredible student minds that surrounded me. As we went through introductions and continued into our first, in depth discussion about the project, I could see why each student was selected for this project. Everyone had a great background of experience and a passion for learning, and it was an incredible experience to listen to these students discuss and ask questions about the project. As marketers, my team and I asked questions about target markets and publicity, as well as research methods. Others asked questions about design and concepts, and the overall message that we want to bring to the consumer. There were things brought up that I would never have thought about or even knew about. But, each person around the table today did the same thing-listened. We listened to each other, absorbed information. We acknowledged really good questions and were open to ideas, and it seemed like each new point or question brought about 3 more. In those few hours that we met, you could feel the energy brewing in the room and the ideas beginning to take root in this project.

Overall, I think the one thing that brings us together is passion. We're passionate for what we do, and the work that we put fourth. And, we're passionate for this cause.

And, I think when you take extremely driven students who have an equal passion for the cause, you have a deadly force that is not afraid of obstacles and is ready to make waves through the community, through the nation, and across the globe.

Tonight, I heard a quote that made me think about this project in a new way:
"He who saves one life saves the world entire"
While we may not directly save lives through this project, we have the power to potentially influence future behavior. If that leads to even one less battered woman, one less innocent life saved, one less act of violence- we've saved the world. It was quite a humbling revelation.

I cannot wait to share with you the wealth of information I gain from this project, but also the large amount of personal growth.

In short, this is going to be big. Get ready for one heck of a journey... and grab your surfboard...Champlain College is making waves.

Rash Decisions arent me.

I've been molding and shaping this whole ordeal in my brain for the last few days. It's probably pretty apparent, as it's almost 3am and I have to get up for an all day meeting in like 4.5 hours.
But anyways...the anger and frustration have started to clear away ( but mind you, still there.) and I've now turned to logic, thinking, planning. I'm talking things through. I'm writing things down. I'm weighing out options, consequences, life for the semester, the year, and future years. I'm thinking about money. I'm thinking about living situations. I'm thinking about my future profession. I'm thinking about stress and time. I'm trying to incorporate every factor I can think of, draw lines, make connections, clear away the jumbled mess I had before and sort through all of this.

But most of all, I'm reaching out to others. I'm asking their opinion, looking for their advice, asking for their ideas. Sometimes it helps to hear things from other perspectives. You can see things in a new light, you can get new ideas, and sometimes even just hearing your own thoughts back to you can sway you one way or another.

Either way, this decision will be life changing. Part of this scares me. It scares me to know that either way, I'm missing out on something truly amazing. But, in some sick way, it excites me a little. Maybe my life needed this, maybe I need to be threatened with change. Who knows, it might do me some good. I don't really know.

Its funny because I've always been a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. There's been plenty of times I've looked back over my life and realized how certain actions or events brought me to where I was today, or how they changed my life at that moment, even when I couldn't see it then. Last year I was upset because Laura was no longer going to be our roommate after 2 years. I couldn't understand (well, I understood from her point, I guess) why this was happening to me. ( wow, that sounds selfish, but I really mean it in the most non selfish way possible). Anyways, I didn't realize it tonight that it happened for a reason. Not only for her own personal reasons, but also because if she was our roommate, this would make things even more difficult right now. Its different when both Amanda and I could face losing our apartment, because either way we'd both be leaving it. And, while there's a slim chance that we could be put together again, there's still a chance. For all 3 of us to leave and still be roommates, there's be absolutely no way. But, if we did have to move, we'd have to leave her behind in the apartment, which wouldn't be fair. And, it would probably make this decision more difficult because that would be a factor in our decision, when it really shouldn't be based on the severity of this decision. I hate to admit it, but it happened for a reason.

Needless to say, this whole thing has sickened me. literally. I've felt sick to my stomach for the past 3 days, and I've come really close to throwing up. It's just been that detrimental. And really, if you could see me now, I look like shit. No lie. I've been so drained from this, its affecting my job, my school work, my internship;its affecting me physically, mentally, emotionally.

I think I'll be able to feel relief once it's finally over, for better or for worse. And I'll probably need a giant hug.

probably two.


Now its time for bed, with a meeting about the UN project tomorrow. This will also play into the final decision as I learn more about the project and the trip.

I want to be 5 years old again.