I've been molding and shaping this whole ordeal in my brain for the last few days. It's probably pretty apparent, as it's almost 3am and I have to get up for an all day meeting in like 4.5 hours.
But anyways...the anger and frustration have started to clear away ( but mind you, still there.) and I've now turned to logic, thinking, planning. I'm talking things through. I'm writing things down. I'm weighing out options, consequences, life for the semester, the year, and future years. I'm thinking about money. I'm thinking about living situations. I'm thinking about my future profession. I'm thinking about stress and time. I'm trying to incorporate every factor I can think of, draw lines, make connections, clear away the jumbled mess I had before and sort through all of this.
But most of all, I'm reaching out to others. I'm asking their opinion, looking for their advice, asking for their ideas. Sometimes it helps to hear things from other perspectives. You can see things in a new light, you can get new ideas, and sometimes even just hearing your own thoughts back to you can sway you one way or another.
Either way, this decision will be life changing. Part of this scares me. It scares me to know that either way, I'm missing out on something truly amazing. But, in some sick way, it excites me a little. Maybe my life needed this, maybe I need to be threatened with change. Who knows, it might do me some good. I don't really know.
Its funny because I've always been a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. There's been plenty of times I've looked back over my life and realized how certain actions or events brought me to where I was today, or how they changed my life at that moment, even when I couldn't see it then. Last year I was upset because Laura was no longer going to be our roommate after 2 years. I couldn't understand (well, I understood from her point, I guess) why this was happening to me. ( wow, that sounds selfish, but I really mean it in the most non selfish way possible). Anyways, I didn't realize it tonight that it happened for a reason. Not only for her own personal reasons, but also because if she was our roommate, this would make things even more difficult right now. Its different when both Amanda and I could face losing our apartment, because either way we'd both be leaving it. And, while there's a slim chance that we could be put together again, there's still a chance. For all 3 of us to leave and still be roommates, there's be absolutely no way. But, if we did have to move, we'd have to leave her behind in the apartment, which wouldn't be fair. And, it would probably make this decision more difficult because that would be a factor in our decision, when it really shouldn't be based on the severity of this decision. I hate to admit it, but it happened for a reason.
Needless to say, this whole thing has sickened me. literally. I've felt sick to my stomach for the past 3 days, and I've come really close to throwing up. It's just been that detrimental. And really, if you could see me now, I look like shit. No lie. I've been so drained from this, its affecting my job, my school work, my internship;its affecting me physically, mentally, emotionally.
I think I'll be able to feel relief once it's finally over, for better or for worse. And I'll probably need a giant hug.
probably two.
Now its time for bed, with a meeting about the UN project tomorrow. This will also play into the final decision as I learn more about the project and the trip.
I want to be 5 years old again.
Showing posts with label RA duties. Show all posts
Showing posts with label RA duties. Show all posts
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
It depends on what your definition of "exception" means.
I'm speechless, really. Devestated. Frustrated. Exhausted. Stressed. Sick to my stomach from all of this.
Basically, what it comes down to is this:
If I take on this UN project and go on the trip to Africa, I cannot be an RA for next year. I have to somehow find the financial aid to cover the additional costs now, and there's a good chance I'd have to move out of my apartment, and to where, who knows.
I can't believe this. Really. After all of the extra work I've done for res life and for Spinner Place, none of it matters. Nothing.
And here's the part that I think makes it the worst. I understand their point that I'd be missing part of training as well as move in weekend. It's a valid point, and I understand the information and experience I'd be missing.
But here was the "gray area" that I found yesterday: They said that RAs in the fall needed to go through the entire training process in order to be qualified for the position and to be fully trained. BUT, RAs in the SPRING go through 2 days of training. 2 days. Then, they work with someone throughout the year. And those RAs are supposedly just as qualified and trained as the ones that need to go through 2 weeks of training in the fall. They also said that all RAs need to attend move in weekend. But, the RAs in the spring don't have to do that.
I guess I'm just not comprehending this. I don't understand how this can all equal out. They had argued and argued that they made no exception the 2 week training, no exception what so ever. Yet they said that the RA training in the spring is an exception. Which is it, do you make exceptions or don't you?
I put in a great amount of effort last year to create and run the Spinner Place Residence Hall because I wanted to make a difference in the hall, I wanted to give back and make a difference. We as volunteer students put on more events than the RAs within the building and had the most attendance overall at our events. And we did this all just to be involved.
At one point they asked "why should we make an exception for you when we could go out and hire someone that could be here on that weekend"
You know why? Because while you may find someone just as qualified, you won't find someone with just as much dedication to the position and to the building itself. I've lived there since it opened. I've worked on SPRHC, I've reached out to the students. I told them I was willing to do whatever it took to make up for the time, to prepare the rooms before I left, to take extra efforts to reach out to the residents to meet them, say hello, talk with them. ANYTHING. I've been working all summer to plan events, contact people, and even worked on plans for a Spinner Place activities website. And yet, apparently that's not enough.
We even proposed this- let us go to the first week of training. Let us work hard to do as much preparation as we possibly can before we go. If you feel we're undertrained, we won't be on duty that week and we asked that they work with us on that Saturday following (Jamie said he'd be willing). And then let us make up the duty days during the rest of the month. Yes, I know it's asking them to go out of their way on that one day. But, I feel it would be a good investment and worth it in the long run. I KNOW I'll be a good RA, and I know I'll not only do the job but do it WELL. There are some RAs that just do the bare minimum, just enough to get by and fullfill the position. I don't want to be one of those. I want to put in the extra effort to have quality, fun, engaging activities that students can meet and bond with each other at as well as have a beneficial learning experience. I understand the added difficulties Spinner has with resident participation and community because I've lived there. I've worked on breaking those barriers down. Many people who haven't had experience working there could be very easily frustrated by these and simply give up.
And they even said during the meeting that they didn't doubt we could have all the necessary information to do the job and to do it well, but we'd be "missing out on the experience." and that was irreplaceable. But, RAs in the spring don't get that "experience" either.
they kept repeating "if there was a way to make this work, we'd like nothing more than for this to work."
This is a way it could work.........
I'm so frustrated. I'm frustrated that I can be willing to go completely out of my way to make this all work, all because I want to be there for the residents, to do all I can to make sure they'll have a good experience at Champlain AND at Spinner. I'm so passionate about this job its not even funny. Isn't that what they ultimately look for in an RA? But they're not willing to meet me part way.
I want to give back to this college because its given so much to me, and I can think of no better way to do that than as an RA. I can give back to the students and be a representative for the college.
But at the same time, the college has presented me with this UN opportunity. In order to do this job, the trip is necessary to conduct thorough research. This is thinking about the client and their best interests, something the college would want to represent to the United Nations. But yet, they're not willing to make to budge on any of this.
I just don't know.
Don't even begin to ask me my decision right now. I'm not going to give up fighting until the very last minute. I don't feel this is fair, and I don't agree with their reasoning, especially in light of this RA fall/spring training.
What I do know, is that I'm completely sickened over this entire thing.
Basically, what it comes down to is this:
If I take on this UN project and go on the trip to Africa, I cannot be an RA for next year. I have to somehow find the financial aid to cover the additional costs now, and there's a good chance I'd have to move out of my apartment, and to where, who knows.
I can't believe this. Really. After all of the extra work I've done for res life and for Spinner Place, none of it matters. Nothing.
And here's the part that I think makes it the worst. I understand their point that I'd be missing part of training as well as move in weekend. It's a valid point, and I understand the information and experience I'd be missing.
But here was the "gray area" that I found yesterday: They said that RAs in the fall needed to go through the entire training process in order to be qualified for the position and to be fully trained. BUT, RAs in the SPRING go through 2 days of training. 2 days. Then, they work with someone throughout the year. And those RAs are supposedly just as qualified and trained as the ones that need to go through 2 weeks of training in the fall. They also said that all RAs need to attend move in weekend. But, the RAs in the spring don't have to do that.
I guess I'm just not comprehending this. I don't understand how this can all equal out. They had argued and argued that they made no exception the 2 week training, no exception what so ever. Yet they said that the RA training in the spring is an exception. Which is it, do you make exceptions or don't you?
I put in a great amount of effort last year to create and run the Spinner Place Residence Hall because I wanted to make a difference in the hall, I wanted to give back and make a difference. We as volunteer students put on more events than the RAs within the building and had the most attendance overall at our events. And we did this all just to be involved.
At one point they asked "why should we make an exception for you when we could go out and hire someone that could be here on that weekend"
You know why? Because while you may find someone just as qualified, you won't find someone with just as much dedication to the position and to the building itself. I've lived there since it opened. I've worked on SPRHC, I've reached out to the students. I told them I was willing to do whatever it took to make up for the time, to prepare the rooms before I left, to take extra efforts to reach out to the residents to meet them, say hello, talk with them. ANYTHING. I've been working all summer to plan events, contact people, and even worked on plans for a Spinner Place activities website. And yet, apparently that's not enough.
We even proposed this- let us go to the first week of training. Let us work hard to do as much preparation as we possibly can before we go. If you feel we're undertrained, we won't be on duty that week and we asked that they work with us on that Saturday following (Jamie said he'd be willing). And then let us make up the duty days during the rest of the month. Yes, I know it's asking them to go out of their way on that one day. But, I feel it would be a good investment and worth it in the long run. I KNOW I'll be a good RA, and I know I'll not only do the job but do it WELL. There are some RAs that just do the bare minimum, just enough to get by and fullfill the position. I don't want to be one of those. I want to put in the extra effort to have quality, fun, engaging activities that students can meet and bond with each other at as well as have a beneficial learning experience. I understand the added difficulties Spinner has with resident participation and community because I've lived there. I've worked on breaking those barriers down. Many people who haven't had experience working there could be very easily frustrated by these and simply give up.
And they even said during the meeting that they didn't doubt we could have all the necessary information to do the job and to do it well, but we'd be "missing out on the experience." and that was irreplaceable. But, RAs in the spring don't get that "experience" either.
they kept repeating "if there was a way to make this work, we'd like nothing more than for this to work."
This is a way it could work.........
I'm so frustrated. I'm frustrated that I can be willing to go completely out of my way to make this all work, all because I want to be there for the residents, to do all I can to make sure they'll have a good experience at Champlain AND at Spinner. I'm so passionate about this job its not even funny. Isn't that what they ultimately look for in an RA? But they're not willing to meet me part way.
I want to give back to this college because its given so much to me, and I can think of no better way to do that than as an RA. I can give back to the students and be a representative for the college.
But at the same time, the college has presented me with this UN opportunity. In order to do this job, the trip is necessary to conduct thorough research. This is thinking about the client and their best interests, something the college would want to represent to the United Nations. But yet, they're not willing to make to budge on any of this.
I just don't know.
Don't even begin to ask me my decision right now. I'm not going to give up fighting until the very last minute. I don't feel this is fair, and I don't agree with their reasoning, especially in light of this RA fall/spring training.
What I do know, is that I'm completely sickened over this entire thing.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Welcome to the case of Opportunity Knocks vs. Hard Knocks
Opportunity knocks vs. hard knocks.
I have to say, that was probably the most intense 90 minutes of my life.
There was discussion, there was arguing. There were smiles and laughs, there were full out tears. There were some intense heated moments between all of us, as well as some awkward silent times.
But......there is still light at the end of the tunnel. Mind you, it's like lighting a candle at the end of the Lincoln Tunnel, but nonetheless, it's there. Thank you vague loopholes.
I'm crossing my fingers and praying to every god I can think of. There were valid points that came up from both parties, and we pleaded our case, put fourth our points, and cried many, many, many tears. But no matter what, we fought. We fought hard. Not only to retain this position, but to show our dedication, prove that we want this more than we've wanted anything in our lives.
And now all we can do it way. and pray. and cry. and wait. and pray some more.
Please, let this all work out. Please please please please PLEASE.
More details later when I can emotionally ( and mentally) come down from all of this.
Oh yeah, and when I'm not at my internship.
Stay tuned.
I have to say, that was probably the most intense 90 minutes of my life.
There was discussion, there was arguing. There were smiles and laughs, there were full out tears. There were some intense heated moments between all of us, as well as some awkward silent times.
But......there is still light at the end of the tunnel. Mind you, it's like lighting a candle at the end of the Lincoln Tunnel, but nonetheless, it's there. Thank you vague loopholes.
I'm crossing my fingers and praying to every god I can think of. There were valid points that came up from both parties, and we pleaded our case, put fourth our points, and cried many, many, many tears. But no matter what, we fought. We fought hard. Not only to retain this position, but to show our dedication, prove that we want this more than we've wanted anything in our lives.
And now all we can do it way. and pray. and cry. and wait. and pray some more.
Please, let this all work out. Please please please please PLEASE.
More details later when I can emotionally ( and mentally) come down from all of this.
Oh yeah, and when I'm not at my internship.
Stay tuned.
Monday, July 21, 2008
I knew it was all too good to be true.
I am completely devastated. I can't believe this. After all of my hard work, dedication to this school, and demonstration of leadership abilities, I'm being forced to choose between an amazing opportunity and a position that I KNOW I will excel at, a position that I genuinely want and am committed to. Obviously, because if I wasn't I wouldn't be this upset and this willing to fight. I just think it's funny, Champlain boasts about their "boundless opportunities" and their constant push for student involvement, yet they stifle the people that truly want to be involved.
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