Yo Estaré

It's been a long time since I've written, mostly because school is in full swing, and I've found myself swept up in the craziness of it all. I jumped right into it all after coming back from Africa--right into classes, right into work for the project and for Blockbuster, right into rehearsals for the fall show and improv, and right back into life in general. But the past few days have made me slow down and take a breather from everything.

I got the news the other day that someone from my old work had passed away. It wasn't a total shock necessarily as she was struggling with cancer, yet it was still as shock to me; its hard being able to keep up with everything constantly when you're up here in Burlington wrapped in the hustle and bustle of college.

I thought back to the times I had spent with her at work, and as cliché as it sounds, I remember her spirit, her attitude. Every day that I worked there, she would always come around the corner into my part of the office with such exuberance, such life, that you couldn't help but connect to her energy. Even with all that she went through, enough to knock a grown man to his knees, she never gave up. I'm truly saddened I didn't get to chat with her one more time, or even to say goodbye. But most of all, I'm sad I can't be there for all the others that had the privilege of working with her and getting to know her for many more years than the short time I did. I can only imagine the pain they're feeling right now and I wish them all the love and strength possible, but I know there's a great deal of support within the office and the Aris family.

A friend of mine also lost someone close to him this week. It's something I'm honestly not really familiar to tell the truth, but it's something I greatly fear. I can't even imagine the grief he must be feeling, and as much as I wish I could offer words, something, anything to make the situation better, I know there's nothing. Instead, I just offer my support and strength--my heart goes out to him.

It seems like everyone is struggling this week. Sometimes, I wish I could just spread endless happiness to those around me, those constantly struggling with their own battles in their own ways. I wish there was a way I could ease the tension and stress weighing on their shoulders. I know what it's like to feel the weight of the world on you, and feel as though there's no one there to help you ease the burden. So, when I see others fighting to stay afloat, every part of me wishes I could make their problems go away.

But, if South Africa taught me one thing, it taught me this: no matter what, there's always hope. The sun will rise again. The mind, spirit, and heart are incredible things that can endure more than we ever imagined and still shine. There was never a feeling of desolation, of despair. There was always hope--hope for today, hope for tomorrow. It was in every smile on every child, in every song that lifted from the people around us, in every kind word that was spoken to us. Their hope repaired years and years of broken spirits within me in the few days we spent there. It's something I wish I could share with every person around me. It's an incredible sense of strength and rebirth. South Africa and its people taught me to hold on, and to always keep your eye on the horizon. Even through the rain, the sun will always, always rise again. Don't ever give up.

As I lay here tonight, channel surfing through the thoughts in my brain, I thought about the past few days and it reminded me of a poem I wrote back in high school for a Spanish competition. While some of it is worded strangely to coordinate the Spanish translation, the overall message I was trying to convey seemed to fit. I also thought about an excerpt from another poem I wrote one night a few years ago.(wow,this sounds like shameless promotion.). But really, they're not meant to be that, just a way to offer a piece of my heart to those around me.

Yo Estaré ( I Will Be)
There will be a time when I will sleep eternally,
but my soul will live forever.
I will be an image in your eyes,
and a burning passion in your heart.

I will always be your guardian angel,
your love has earned me my wings.
My call for help,
a whisper of need upon your sacred lips.

I will be in existence everywhere;
I will be in the softened snow
that falls silently,
covering the trembling earth.

I will be in the crystalline waters
that tumble down the forest floor.
I will be in the moon that smiles down upon you,
and in the sun that caresses your cheeks.

love deeply, forget quickly.
take chances and forgive your enemies.
And don't fear my death;
I will be here until you meet me.

Love for me, cry for me.
but do not fear.
Have faith in me
for I will always--be.

____________________________________

Where Am I? (An Excerpt)
I lie on my bed, surrounded by loved ones.
I am nearing the end,
my life long journey reaching its destination.
Past memories and pains that once haunted me are now unimportant.
They vanish into the coastal breeze as I draw my last breath.
The fire that once burned deep within has burned out.
My soul has drifted out to the endless see,
only to be seen by a lonely sailor on a stormy night.
All that remains is my lifeless body, old and withered.
I stand in awe as the doors to the heavens part, a dream finally a reality.
I feel a passion, never to be described in words.
Where am I?
I am here, reborn again.
I belong to a place never seen with a humanly eye,
but dreamed about in the depths of night.
I am here, all around.
I no longer see nature, but have become nature.
I have transformed from the viewer to the artist,
painting the scenes I only once envisioned.
Where am I?
It is no longer a question of where I am now,
but rather where I was,
and where I will be in the never-ending life ahead.