So, what's been going on? Interning, working, watching a lot of movies, doing homework. That pretty much sums it up. This summer has been pretty low key borderline depressing, but I know I'll have accomplished quite a bit by the end. My internship with KSV is almost finished, my hours will be completed next week. It's going to be kind of sad, I've befriended a few people there. But, there's always Facebook I guess! It's been an experience, and I've learned quite a bit, not only about the industry but also about myself as well. It's good, as it seems I'm always on this endless journey to completely figure myself out. I'm also getting the hang of things at Blockbuster, things are almost smooth sailing. Its one of the few jobs I've had that I really don't mind working, or even going in on extra shifts...except when I've been interning all day, haha. But, it's good, I enjoy it. I hope to continue it through the school year on top of everything else I'll have going on. If I can't, then I hope they'll offer me the position again in Spring semester when I won't have as many things going on.
Other than that, things are still trucking along. Almost finished my internship class, just a few more assignments to complete for that. Then, I can focus my efforts on the Critical Thinking class I just started. I've finished the first week and I've learned that its going to be more rigorous than the internship class, but I know I can handle it. It keeps me busy.
Hmm, other tid bits... I was recently offered a chance to apply for a marketing position on a project for the United Nations through the college. It all happened so fast, I got the e-mail and within two days needed to have my resume and cover letter shipped off. Now, I have an interview tomorrow at 1:30pm. If I get it, it will mean working 20 hrs. a week during the rest of the summer, then 10 hrs a week during the school year until the end of December. It also involves a trip to Africa at the end of August, but I don't know how that will all pan out with RA training too....but I'll worry about that when I actually get the position. For now, I just have to prepare myself for the interview and take it from there.
Sorry, I'm a little scatter brained right now. Completely tired. But you know, I wanted to share one thought I was thinking about while at work tonight. There are times when you completely lose faith in people. You lose faith in the world around you. And, there are times when you wonder why you're even needed here, what your purpose in life is. But just when you think all is lost, others come along to prove you wrong. I like learning about people, always have. But I especially like learning about people who have a set goal in life, who can see the future and know its within their grasp. It's refreshing to know there are people out there who have dreams and goals, ones they've been working towards the better part of their entire lives. You realize there are good people out there. It's almost inspiring to a point, and you think, "hey, if they can do it, so can I." It made me think about my future, my goals, and what I hope to accomplish in the next few years.
I'm learning to do things that truly make me happy, and I often reflect on the things that made me happy in my past. I've realized that helping people ( even though many times it comes back to bite me in the ass) is really fullfilling to me. I enjoy making people happy, smile, laugh. It's probably why I like improv and theater...you can connect with the audience and bring them exactly what they're looking for...happiness, sadness, laughter, drama.
I also was probably the happiest working at the daycare. I miss it terribly. I loved coming from a hard day at school and just losing myself in the innocent, pure joy that was the kids. They didn't care who you were, where you came from; if you loved them, they loved you back. You create a unique bond with them, and I got to watch them grow and learn. Christ, it still almost makes me cry when I see one of them now and then and they still remember me, especially since its been a few years.
I also think I want to go into nonprofit marketing. Throughout my time at Champlain, I've learned that marketing and advertising are very powerful forces. I've learned the good that they can do, as well as the damage. And frankly, I don't know if I like where the advertising industry is going. I don't want to be the one that develops an even more intrusive pop up ad or flashing banner. I want to use my marketing skills to help those that really need it, that need to get their message out or need to reach out to the public for help. I want to help those that want to help others. It's made me happy in the past, and it warms my heart to see some of the good these non profit organizations do, especially for children. ( You should see me during the Kixx radio-thon for David's house, when they read the stories of past and current patients and families...I'm a wreck, seriously.)
And while sometimes I overlook it, I realize I've had one solid goal for many years now.
I want to be a mom. Not right now, of course- but in the future. I want to have a career that will allow me to provide for my kids. I want to teach them things. I want to support them. But most importantly, I really just want to love them with everything I've got. I've always said that my life isn't really mine. It's just a placeholder until I can give it to my kids, because that's exactly what they will be to me- my life.
I always knew that I wanted to be a mom, but I think I started to have a bigger realization in the past few years, especially because of the rocky relationship I've had with my own mother. I want to be everything for me kids that she wasn't for me. I got a taste of it when my brother moved in with my dad. He was only 9, and I was really the closest thing he had to a mother figure. I loved it though, and still do. I loved knowing I could be there for someone, that I was needed. It was interesting watching the relationship evolve from sticking up for him to schoolyard bullies, to making sure he had money to play with his friends, to talking about life goals and future plans. It's been hard, and scary. There were times I didn't know what to do, how to make everything better for him. And, there were times when I couldn't, as much as I wanted to. It changed over time as he got older and I went away to college and was no longer within arms reach of him, but I still look out for him. I know I'm not needed as much, and I'm afraid one day he'll no longer need me. But it still makes me feel good to know he looks to me for comfort after his first car accident and looks to me for support as he struggles to figure out who he is, what his future holds for him. And no matter what, I'll always be there for him. That's what moms are supposed to do.
I guess, what I'm getting at, is sometimes I forget that while I don't know what I'm going to do with myself in the future and it scares me. I feel like right now I should have my entire life planned out. But, I'm still looking towards the future, and I'm still making plans. And, although sometimes I forget about them, I do have goals, even if they're not that complex yet. I've had one goal I've steadily been working towards, and my plans are going to support that. I want to be successful, no matter what I do, and I want a job that is full filling; But ultimately I want to be a good mom, whatever it takes.
A friend said to me that he surrounds himself with motivated people, ones that are striving for success and have a purpose in life because it keeps him motivated to do the same thing. I think it's sage advice, and it made me think about my own life. Sometimes, you gotta cut those that are holding you back, the ones that are holding you down. You can't lose sight of your future, of your hopes and dreams- they're what keep you moving forward. And sometimes, when you lose faith in the world, you have to surround yourself with those that will restore it for you. Believe it or not, there are good people in the world. Sometimes, you just have to find them.
Well, I wish I had more profound thoughts or words of wisdom for you. But I'm not really that profound, probably never will be. Just a simple girl, trying to figure out who I am and what I'm going to do with my life. But I know one thing, I've got a great appreciation for all those in my life right now, and simply, I just love to love. I love to grow. I love to learn- about everyone and everything. So, if I know you, come chat with me and let me get to know you better. If I don't, well come and chat with me too. I'd like to learn about you, too.
Thought you hadp.s. "In The Deep" by Bird York from "Crash" is my new favorite song...BBuster's has it on their promo reel and it's grown on me.
all the answers
to rest your heart upon.
But something happens,
don't see it coming, now
you can't stop yourself.
Now you're out there swimming...
In the deep.
In the deep.
Life keeps tumbling your heart in circles
till you... Let go.
Till you shed your pride, and you climb to heaven,
and you throw yourself off.
Now you're out there spinning...
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep.
And now you're out there spinning...
And now you're out there spinning...
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the silence,
all your secrets, will
raise their worried heads.
Well, you can pin yourself back together,
to who you thought you were.
Now you're out there livin'...
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep...
Now you're out there spinning...
Now you're out there swimming...
Now you're out there spinning...
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep...
Alright, I've rambled enough tonight. Goodnight.
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