We've Only Just Begun

I can't believe it. I'm laying here in bed; my bags are packed, carry on is ready, my camera batteries are charged, memory cards emptied, passport and other documentation stored away in a purse--but I still can't believe it.

In a few hours, I'll wake up. I still won't believe it.
In a few hours, I'll get ready to go--finish some final packing, get dressed, make some coffee, grab a light breakfast. But I still won't believe it.
In a few hours, I'll get picked up, driven to the airport, and board a plane en route to JFK to go to South Africa. Chances are, I still won't believe it.

It's only been a few weeks, but I feel like I've already been on a journey. I've challenged authority and fought for what I believe in, in hopes to retain the RA position. When it didn't work, I moved apartments. I finished my internship, as well as my online internship class, and as of last night I finally completed my other online class. On top of all that, I've gotten my passport and vaccinations. I'm lucky I still know where my head is at right now!

But, I've also been on another journey--an intellectual, mental and emotional journey. I've researched every piece of South Africa I could imagine--I'm familiar with everything from the culture to the history to the economic and political status. I've researched their problems, their struggles, both past and present. As a group, we've all discussed these all to quite an extent. We've pondered over unanswered questions, and found answers to questions which only lead to more. We've bounced around ideas, comments, concerns, questions, worries, fears, anxieties, hopes, dreams, plans, and information. We've spent hours upon hours upon hours submerging ourselves in the world of the United Nations and violence against women.

And yet, something tells me we've only just begun. There's only so much that you can read on paper, or on the internet. There's only so many Youtube videos you can watch about the land and its people. It isn't until you physically, emotionally, and mentally experience the world in person that you can begin to truly understand it.

In a few hours, we begin that process. What does it hold? Nobody knows. We've speculated, but none of us truly knows--and rightfully so. Yet, this leaves me a bit worried. I can only prepare myself so much mentally and emotionally, but will this be enough? Will I be able to handle the sights that will be before my eyes? Will I be able to comprehend all that unfurls before me? I don't know. In fact, I probably still won't know until I am laying in my bed the first night home, my mind swirling with images and memories from the trip.

I think it will be then, and only then, that I'll finally believe it.

I don't know what to expect, I don't know what will happen. But, I know one thing--in a few hours, it will all begin, whether I like it or not. Time to just jump in and take the plunge.

So with that, I sign off to get a few hours of sleep before the sun rises, signaling the beginning of the day, and of my journey--We may be half way there, but we've only just begun.